a long time has passed since time has allowed me to post on this little online (not so private) diary of mine; whether it's been the jia(1) that i've had to stuff into my head, or the BB cares and the balloons we've had to pump and twist (and pop), or simply late nights involving more headaches and reading and aefs and stuff, it has taken up time, and finally there is an avenue for some reflection. in solitude. again.
tamada, to make a difference, finally set out on friday, with our counterparts EatXL and Sparta; and i must say that though there were no radical changes, we were claiming ground, and God was going to move, we simply had to pray that He would provide the breakthrough. no shortcuts when it comes to this, just lots and lots of faith. i pray that we'll hear His voice clearly, sometimes i still doubt whether it's Him i hear, but i trust it is. Pslams 32:8 again. thanks Lord.
and balloon twisting for the old folks. i guess it was a strange day. not to mention a rainy one. but it was one full of many twists and turns as well. eventually, we left having been uplifted as much as the old folks had been cheered up by the many smiles and squeaky dog balloons. and i had my startrek balloon hat, which did not pop this time (the last time emil had to assault with a pencil)
and east coast today. was just the wind in your hair. the sun on your face. and the company of cousins and friends. simple yet pristine moments.
there's much to be thankful for. so i shall end here and smile (:
Showing posts with label Boys' Brigade. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boys' Brigade. Show all posts
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
to those in the dumps
just finished a cup of mcgee mee (yum, economics is always yummy, and dinner had to be brief given scarce amount of resources); another day at home, needless to say i (in the words of xl) ditched my fellow primers/S2s today for the studious pursuits. sigh. i can't say i don't feel bad, but i have learned to say no, simply because not doing so would hurt oneself sometimes. BB debrief today was also short, and i finally got the econs textbook (usefulness is questionable though) - with no sneaky two dollar notes (:
and this post is for all those (and they're all around) sitting on that pile of rubbish, down in the dumps, and searching for a way out. maybe it seems this comes from a higher vantage point, but well, don't take it that way. hey we all have our sine curves on this ride of life, maybe we're just on the wrong side of it now. but like all periodic trigonometrical curves, we'll get to the peaks one day.
it seems now. that nothing seems to work out. you can't seem to just leave it all behind. maybe it comes back to haunt you - in some incessant dream, some figure you meet every day, some figment of your imagination - but you really, really have to leave it behind. and pass it on to Jesus. maybe it was a regretful decision, but what's there to do now? just learn from the past, and ask God for wisdom to lead you on in the future. carry on now. carry on.
we all go through struggles. we all fall. but the difference comes with our reaction to that fall. are we going to sit and wait for the apple to fall on our head? or are we going to pick ourselves up and run on - ok not pick ourselves up, but trust God to give us that strength to do so.
some ask why such things happen. why does God make Christianity difficult? why does God allow for trials? remember that encouragement from the bible, James even opens his letter with this admonishment:
yup. that's it. trials are meant to shape us and harden us and teach us lessons. God doesn't want to torment us, in fact it hurts Him to see us hurt. but He loves us, and longs to bring us closer to Him, and what better way - yes though this is arguable - than through the testing of our faith. to realize that we need to draw closer to Him, that we are weak and He is so very strong!
(maybe this all sounds all too familiar. but it's the truth. just meditate upon it, and it becomes clear!)
Trust and obey my friends. there's no other way. to be happy in Jesus (:
and true joy comes from knowing that we're living in God's way. remember that. and rejoice through the happy and the sad.
and remember this. for when I'm sad....i'll need a reminder too (:
and this post is for all those (and they're all around) sitting on that pile of rubbish, down in the dumps, and searching for a way out. maybe it seems this comes from a higher vantage point, but well, don't take it that way. hey we all have our sine curves on this ride of life, maybe we're just on the wrong side of it now. but like all periodic trigonometrical curves, we'll get to the peaks one day.
it seems now. that nothing seems to work out. you can't seem to just leave it all behind. maybe it comes back to haunt you - in some incessant dream, some figure you meet every day, some figment of your imagination - but you really, really have to leave it behind. and pass it on to Jesus. maybe it was a regretful decision, but what's there to do now? just learn from the past, and ask God for wisdom to lead you on in the future. carry on now. carry on.
we all go through struggles. we all fall. but the difference comes with our reaction to that fall. are we going to sit and wait for the apple to fall on our head? or are we going to pick ourselves up and run on - ok not pick ourselves up, but trust God to give us that strength to do so.
some ask why such things happen. why does God make Christianity difficult? why does God allow for trials? remember that encouragement from the bible, James even opens his letter with this admonishment:
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
yup. that's it. trials are meant to shape us and harden us and teach us lessons. God doesn't want to torment us, in fact it hurts Him to see us hurt. but He loves us, and longs to bring us closer to Him, and what better way - yes though this is arguable - than through the testing of our faith. to realize that we need to draw closer to Him, that we are weak and He is so very strong!
(maybe this all sounds all too familiar. but it's the truth. just meditate upon it, and it becomes clear!)
Trust and obey my friends. there's no other way. to be happy in Jesus (:
and true joy comes from knowing that we're living in God's way. remember that. and rejoice through the happy and the sad.
and remember this. for when I'm sad....i'll need a reminder too (:
Thursday, June 07, 2007
the colours of the wind
can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
certain things i lack the determination to complete. WOW reflections are but such a chore given circumstances, sometimes there's simply too much to say but too little time to share. something's bursting out from within, i simply can't contain the joy, but i guess a great amount of joy doesn't have to mean an endless post of words. LDC and WOW have left me simply speechless. the holidays have been filled with an unspeakable joy - one that is hardly marred by the onset of studies and homework.
somehow, work seems but a distant thought now, as distant as that brightest star every night (yes if you look carefully you'll always find the same one); just want to sing, sing the highest song ever; just want to gaze on and thank God for every moment He has blessed me with. maybe easing up was the right thing to do after all.
sleepless nights in LDC, sincerest prayers and worship, an unforgettable hike with a band of Sec3s who just kept going, and on the last day - that gift of salvation, it came in a pair, from our Lord Jesus Christ.
rum rum tum tum. strum strum the guitar. lunch was just mum mum. yum yum (:
thanks for the chewy (chewy chewy chewy ommmph ba ba) mochi (:
ah why am i over the moon. why. you silly fool. there's exams, there's Chinese A2 homework. there's so much stress, so much to do, so little time, and you're wasting it on an equally wasteful blog post that is going nowhere. you silly rambutan (ah canned fruit), nothing productive done at all. there's everything to be stressed, everything to be worried and sad about.
but somehow. there's still a smile on the face (:, if not the face, then in the heart (:
and i do hope this smile stays strong. and that it's one that's propped up by the gracious hands of God. (look Ma no hands!)
i suppose. usually i would try to blog everything, every moment of the camps and the WOW. but i think, i have given up. really. it's there in the mind, for an eternity, and certain emotions, certain feelings, to post them, would be to dilute them to a point of blandness.
and picture paints a thousand words. more than a thousand this time. a million perhaps. just so many many words that tell so many many stories.
and i'm like a child. sitting at the feet of the old storyteller, reliving every moment of this blessed life.
certain things i lack the determination to complete. WOW reflections are but such a chore given circumstances, sometimes there's simply too much to say but too little time to share. something's bursting out from within, i simply can't contain the joy, but i guess a great amount of joy doesn't have to mean an endless post of words. LDC and WOW have left me simply speechless. the holidays have been filled with an unspeakable joy - one that is hardly marred by the onset of studies and homework.
somehow, work seems but a distant thought now, as distant as that brightest star every night (yes if you look carefully you'll always find the same one); just want to sing, sing the highest song ever; just want to gaze on and thank God for every moment He has blessed me with. maybe easing up was the right thing to do after all.
sleepless nights in LDC, sincerest prayers and worship, an unforgettable hike with a band of Sec3s who just kept going, and on the last day - that gift of salvation, it came in a pair, from our Lord Jesus Christ.
rum rum tum tum. strum strum the guitar. lunch was just mum mum. yum yum (:
thanks for the chewy (chewy chewy chewy ommmph ba ba) mochi (:
ah why am i over the moon. why. you silly fool. there's exams, there's Chinese A2 homework. there's so much stress, so much to do, so little time, and you're wasting it on an equally wasteful blog post that is going nowhere. you silly rambutan (ah canned fruit), nothing productive done at all. there's everything to be stressed, everything to be worried and sad about.
but somehow. there's still a smile on the face (:, if not the face, then in the heart (:
and i do hope this smile stays strong. and that it's one that's propped up by the gracious hands of God. (look Ma no hands!)
i suppose. usually i would try to blog everything, every moment of the camps and the WOW. but i think, i have given up. really. it's there in the mind, for an eternity, and certain emotions, certain feelings, to post them, would be to dilute them to a point of blandness.
and picture paints a thousand words. more than a thousand this time. a million perhaps. just so many many words that tell so many many stories.
and i'm like a child. sitting at the feet of the old storyteller, reliving every moment of this blessed life.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
happysad moments (: ):
God's been great. aye. what more can i say.
people have told me - that tim you've changed - yes other than the fact that i seem to lose increasing amounts of weight, tim has changed to become less of the crazy-screw loose chap or the yesteryears. but i guess change was inevitable, sobering up was simply to come. aiya i think i spend too much time thinking and too much time alone.
suggestion perhaps to daydream more and to let my mind go wild again, spend time sliding on the imaginary slides fabricated in the mind, swing up and down, wind through your hair, try in vain to make your way across those playground monkey bar things - never was much of a chimp myself. slipslidinsplendid times in the imaginary playground of the mind. it's been a long time since i've awakened that me, and he seems to be sitting alone in the playground, waiting for his playmate to return..
why have i grown to love the rain, the splatter against the body, the sound of melted drops of cirrus; seems so depressing. so melancholic. my dad says i should play more songs in the major keys, but i tell him that wouldn't be me. minor keys minor keys are what make the world go round. you cannot have happy without sad. nor sad without happy.
and you have to settle for happysad moments
happysad moments defined by a sense of happiness followed by the aftertaste of sadness. or sometimes a strange sense of gratitude and glee proceeds from initial bouts of sadness. happysad happysad, happy comes first though, it's not merely alphabetical, does it not make sense? that happy should always take the first place.
joy in the Lord. joy in the Lord. O grant us joy and direction for the LTC camp Lord. Where would we be without you? I don't think the Lord would want to hide stuff from His children, so we just have to be there to listen to His plan. and yield to it.
(oh a side note. bb was oh so happy today. happy bdae Fab (:. happy BB-initiation day eve. and happysad day to me)
today my cousin and i spoke whilst walking laps around the koi pond - this thing about koi ponds amazes me, though our school pond has dropped in terms of visibility, but the fish swim happily maybe that's what matters - but we shared much, and realized how much we were struggling alongside each other - and we did pray eventually, that God would take precedence in everything.
I'm walking on sunshine. class dance. i got really twisted yesterday. i think it was a tough dance, even John Tay couldn't do it - ok i don't know why i use John as a standard but i shall. and we shall room together, i don't care (:
ok i shall end on this heavy-eyed note (: thanks God
people have told me - that tim you've changed - yes other than the fact that i seem to lose increasing amounts of weight, tim has changed to become less of the crazy-screw loose chap or the yesteryears. but i guess change was inevitable, sobering up was simply to come. aiya i think i spend too much time thinking and too much time alone.
suggestion perhaps to daydream more and to let my mind go wild again, spend time sliding on the imaginary slides fabricated in the mind, swing up and down, wind through your hair, try in vain to make your way across those playground monkey bar things - never was much of a chimp myself. slipslidinsplendid times in the imaginary playground of the mind. it's been a long time since i've awakened that me, and he seems to be sitting alone in the playground, waiting for his playmate to return..
why have i grown to love the rain, the splatter against the body, the sound of melted drops of cirrus; seems so depressing. so melancholic. my dad says i should play more songs in the major keys, but i tell him that wouldn't be me. minor keys minor keys are what make the world go round. you cannot have happy without sad. nor sad without happy.
and you have to settle for happysad moments
happysad moments defined by a sense of happiness followed by the aftertaste of sadness. or sometimes a strange sense of gratitude and glee proceeds from initial bouts of sadness. happysad happysad, happy comes first though, it's not merely alphabetical, does it not make sense? that happy should always take the first place.
joy in the Lord. joy in the Lord. O grant us joy and direction for the LTC camp Lord. Where would we be without you? I don't think the Lord would want to hide stuff from His children, so we just have to be there to listen to His plan. and yield to it.
(oh a side note. bb was oh so happy today. happy bdae Fab (:. happy BB-initiation day eve. and happysad day to me)
today my cousin and i spoke whilst walking laps around the koi pond - this thing about koi ponds amazes me, though our school pond has dropped in terms of visibility, but the fish swim happily maybe that's what matters - but we shared much, and realized how much we were struggling alongside each other - and we did pray eventually, that God would take precedence in everything.
I'm walking on sunshine. class dance. i got really twisted yesterday. i think it was a tough dance, even John Tay couldn't do it - ok i don't know why i use John as a standard but i shall. and we shall room together, i don't care (:
ok i shall end on this heavy-eyed note (: thanks God
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Squash and Slam
(was debating over the title - hmmm 'Squash and Slam' or 'Slam and Squash', one of those silly questions you ask yourself when your brain is overloaded with studies and you just need a break from the complex world of it all. aye, Chinese A2, why did i take Chinese A2? oh ya, to get into non-intact class haha. maybe not. sigh.)
it's been a rather long week - actually every week is equally long, 7 hours, 168 hours, 10080 minutes (yes all this was done mentally haha), but some weeks seem longer than others for strange reasons - one of those 'oops-i-forgot-to-blog' weeks which leaves me struggling to remember the main events of the days that have passed by so swiftly.
meanwhile. my nose begins its training for the Olympics in Beijing - yes it has begun running (get it? haha) - my throat just gives me problems that even the fisherman's best friend cannot combat effectively. aye. I can't focus on work like this, which explains why I'm on the computer now. no wait, I'm suppose to be typing spiritual blueprint, and to search for magic tricks - yes tim is going to be a magician for the China kids on OEP, with my lovely assistant..(um) John Tay. (:
FireAC is sort of in a crisis. numbers are never the objective. yet I guess their a fitting indicator of where we're going and heading. on a rather solemn wednesday morning, i was lured into the deadly wet trap of the spiral-in-the-middle-of-IB-blocks, sat and got my bum all wet ):. but nevermind everyone else came as well and got themselves wet.
about 13 people got wet that day.
it used to be 50. well we knew people would come and go. but all that remained now were the core group. and hopefully this group will not break for the time being. we stared at the sky and wondered. in the end we prayed for the Sec4s exams, with our dwindling strength.
(I guess Thursday night did deserve special mention as the night that tim did not manage to do any work at all. piano was pretty tempting that day, and as usual, the melancholic minor chords ensue. melancholy did reach a high on thursday i guess, even as we shifted the tables - yes our wonderful backstage crew! - back for the council members. many people were troubled. ahh. my class as well. i wonder what's up. got to know them better. spent too much time away from my class already...)
Something prompted a meeting in 5.7 - we listed names and took minutes (classic BB style oops). but that day me and John ended up late for Squash finals as well. oh well. we had to get there ourselves.
Squash finals. we won eventually. but John and I ended up with wet socks and a long walk back to the MRT station with tess. sigh. i think we lost the bet with Merv and ended up in school later. so. first A div championship. Bravo! and it was fun watching Alastair's (yes i get the spelling right here!) enthusiastic gestures (:
and after SQUASH came SLAM (oh haha). that was a night to remember i guess. just pure inter-cohort bonding. light(stick)s, cameras, action! and the music was not bad for the better part of the performance. was inspired. went back rather late. and that was a second day without any sort of work done. sadly. but it was meaningful. and of course, i caught the cold from a certain someone *cough* (of course it remains a suspicion, but who else?)
and at least. at least. that day didn't end with as much emptiness as i would have anticipated. you know. the sort you get after a big day of events. at least there was less.
Saturday came and went. i think i need to do spiritual blueprint now.
and for all who noticed my temporal bout of emo today. thanks. but sorry for causing concern ):
and it's better now haha. in case you're wondering. (:
it's been a rather long week - actually every week is equally long, 7 hours, 168 hours, 10080 minutes (yes all this was done mentally haha), but some weeks seem longer than others for strange reasons - one of those 'oops-i-forgot-to-blog' weeks which leaves me struggling to remember the main events of the days that have passed by so swiftly.
meanwhile. my nose begins its training for the Olympics in Beijing - yes it has begun running (get it? haha) - my throat just gives me problems that even the fisherman's best friend cannot combat effectively. aye. I can't focus on work like this, which explains why I'm on the computer now. no wait, I'm suppose to be typing spiritual blueprint, and to search for magic tricks - yes tim is going to be a magician for the China kids on OEP, with my lovely assistant..(um) John Tay. (:
FireAC is sort of in a crisis. numbers are never the objective. yet I guess their a fitting indicator of where we're going and heading. on a rather solemn wednesday morning, i was lured into the deadly wet trap of the spiral-in-the-middle-of-IB-blocks, sat and got my bum all wet ):. but nevermind everyone else came as well and got themselves wet.
about 13 people got wet that day.
it used to be 50. well we knew people would come and go. but all that remained now were the core group. and hopefully this group will not break for the time being. we stared at the sky and wondered. in the end we prayed for the Sec4s exams, with our dwindling strength.
(I guess Thursday night did deserve special mention as the night that tim did not manage to do any work at all. piano was pretty tempting that day, and as usual, the melancholic minor chords ensue. melancholy did reach a high on thursday i guess, even as we shifted the tables - yes our wonderful backstage crew! - back for the council members. many people were troubled. ahh. my class as well. i wonder what's up. got to know them better. spent too much time away from my class already...)
Something prompted a meeting in 5.7 - we listed names and took minutes (classic BB style oops). but that day me and John ended up late for Squash finals as well. oh well. we had to get there ourselves.
Squash finals. we won eventually. but John and I ended up with wet socks and a long walk back to the MRT station with tess. sigh. i think we lost the bet with Merv and ended up in school later. so. first A div championship. Bravo! and it was fun watching Alastair's (yes i get the spelling right here!) enthusiastic gestures (:
and after SQUASH came SLAM (oh haha). that was a night to remember i guess. just pure inter-cohort bonding. light(stick)s, cameras, action! and the music was not bad for the better part of the performance. was inspired. went back rather late. and that was a second day without any sort of work done. sadly. but it was meaningful. and of course, i caught the cold from a certain someone *cough* (of course it remains a suspicion, but who else?)
and at least. at least. that day didn't end with as much emptiness as i would have anticipated. you know. the sort you get after a big day of events. at least there was less.
Saturday came and went. i think i need to do spiritual blueprint now.
and for all who noticed my temporal bout of emo today. thanks. but sorry for causing concern ):
and it's better now haha. in case you're wondering. (:
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Learning Loneliness
when God wants you to learn to delight in Him wholly and wholeheartedly -
when He wants you to know that He loves you more than anyone else -
Jesus is all the world to me - can we truly say this?
Better is one day in your courts - than a thousand elsewhere?
and He showed me what it was like to feel alone. it was painful.
and He showed me what it was like to be with Him only. i think it it was meant to be joyful.
but why couldn't I spend it well with Him.
why so dependent on people.
shouldn't let worldly things sway our emotions
joy is certain - it is deep - and shan't be easily taken away
surely the Lord will keep me joyful.
as we shot each other today. the fray along the corridor.
the 3 kg guns running circuits in the IB block.
friends are so important ya?
but i know we should all place God above all.
He is after all - our best friend. but this is so hard to say.
at least we're back on track for spiritual blueprint.
no time for complacency though.
keep praying keep watch
the Lord will reveal Himself soon.
O the joys when we wrapped our arms around each other
Together we will work until He comes again
but did that joy come from Him. or from fellowship.
I sure hope the former. aye. i need to depend more on Him
As long as there is love - we will stand
Econs tuition. Fish porridge at Bukit Timah ended the day.
and then i walked home alone again.
but at least there wasn't emptiness this time
at least there was God
and with Him there was joy.
lingering sadness - go away!
the Lord is my song and salvation!
(: Amen.
when He wants you to know that He loves you more than anyone else -
Jesus is all the world to me - can we truly say this?
Better is one day in your courts - than a thousand elsewhere?
and He showed me what it was like to feel alone. it was painful.
and He showed me what it was like to be with Him only. i think it it was meant to be joyful.
but why couldn't I spend it well with Him.
why so dependent on people.
shouldn't let worldly things sway our emotions
joy is certain - it is deep - and shan't be easily taken away
surely the Lord will keep me joyful.
as we shot each other today. the fray along the corridor.
the 3 kg guns running circuits in the IB block.
friends are so important ya?
but i know we should all place God above all.
He is after all - our best friend. but this is so hard to say.
at least we're back on track for spiritual blueprint.
no time for complacency though.
keep praying keep watch
the Lord will reveal Himself soon.
O the joys when we wrapped our arms around each other
Together we will work until He comes again
but did that joy come from Him. or from fellowship.
I sure hope the former. aye. i need to depend more on Him
As long as there is love - we will stand
Econs tuition. Fish porridge at Bukit Timah ended the day.
and then i walked home alone again.
but at least there wasn't emptiness this time
at least there was God
and with Him there was joy.
lingering sadness - go away!
the Lord is my song and salvation!
(: Amen.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Repentance
They say that sin is anything that gets in the way of our relationship with God. Sin is anything that puts God anywhere other than first in our lives. BB today was a solemn event, slow-march aside, dialect lessons aside, it ended on a silent, solemn note - everyone who left the language room that afternoon were stunned with a sense of speechlessness. i for one left absolutely lost for words, and some nagging feeling tugged at my heart.
perhaps it was a sense of sadness - God's sadness - for those who had gone astray. but i always remember that when we return, he runs to us first - God watches from the distance, and His everlasting arms will come ever so close to scoop us up! i thought i had repented lots, and truly, by His grace I have been very much forgiven, very much sanctified - and i guess many would say that tim is so saintly and godly and perfect.
but it's not true. i'm just as weak as all of u. just the same. for all the CE NCO roles that I have been through, for all the worship sessions that I have led, i'm just as weak - if not weaker. all you guys have seen in me so far, is simply God's grace and mercy. nothing more. I'm nothing without Him. absolutely.
and today I found another part of me that had to be dealt with. and i kinda broke over it. was better for a moment i guess. till i realised that it was difficult to let go completely. then of course i got my mum mad over some dinner issue. and again i started to slump into that swamp of depression. aiyoh. the emotional ups and downs are unbearable. i need a firm foundation again. Jesus.
then again. not just me. all of us do
perhaps it was a sense of sadness - God's sadness - for those who had gone astray. but i always remember that when we return, he runs to us first - God watches from the distance, and His everlasting arms will come ever so close to scoop us up! i thought i had repented lots, and truly, by His grace I have been very much forgiven, very much sanctified - and i guess many would say that tim is so saintly and godly and perfect.
but it's not true. i'm just as weak as all of u. just the same. for all the CE NCO roles that I have been through, for all the worship sessions that I have led, i'm just as weak - if not weaker. all you guys have seen in me so far, is simply God's grace and mercy. nothing more. I'm nothing without Him. absolutely.
and today I found another part of me that had to be dealt with. and i kinda broke over it. was better for a moment i guess. till i realised that it was difficult to let go completely. then of course i got my mum mad over some dinner issue. and again i started to slump into that swamp of depression. aiyoh. the emotional ups and downs are unbearable. i need a firm foundation again. Jesus.
then again. not just me. all of us do
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Praise You in This Storm :)
It's been a long time since the last post - as usual the lack of time I have becomes apparent - it's been a struggle to balance school life, friendships and God, but I do thank my Father that He has been there all the way. and life has been so full of happiness recently - I was so afraid I would forget Him.
what happiness. you might ask? plenty. He has blessed plentifully.
Memories from Ubin still tussling about my mind. Recalling the night before, people reiterating the need for a back-up plan, people questioning the protocol if it rained - and I too was slightly worried for the skies seemed primed to darken - but God provided, and it never did rain - not till we were all safely on that bus back to school. And me worrying a few days back that Saturday was coming - yes Saturdays were the climax of depression - but God did a miracle, and Saturday became the pinnacle of joy instead. (:
Somehow the role of PSM fell upon me - fortunately it wasn't a formal parade. but despite less-than-adequate preparation and the prospect of a dry ration lunch - yes the preparations for this was immense, we had peanut butter, oreos, curry puffs (sorry Eryn), you name it - it all turned out to be a fabulous time.
Or course. we had our fair share of casualties. Whilst leading the pack I had the most number of falls (haha the irony - having taught the rest how to use the brakes); MK was severely wounded by the evil mozzies, Alex's bike became twisted. haha, but bad thingies aside. Kenneth learned the ways of biking in a matter of minutes, we had a fantabulous seafood lunch, and Wesley didn't throw up on the bumboat, I won the bike race (haha); and yes, we didn't get lost.
forgive me. I never remember the details. and even if i do, i never have the patience nor the time to type it all out - haha Fab...this is for you to fill in the gaps! - but yes. just thank God. He was there. surely.
Returning to the Scout's den (yes we found refuge in rather unexpected places), a sense of sadness did sweep across my heart. I was unsure why. maybe it was God's sadness. But somehow there was a strong need for repentance, and a strong need for us to seek Him.
And 2 a.m. Sunday morn. I awoke to a feeling of fear and uneasiness. The rash that had broke out on my back started to itch - and I went to pray - instinctively. that was when God said - Keep watch that you may not fall into temptation. Keep watch, I may return at anytime. Keep watch for the time is near. The call was so strong. we had to start keeping watch.
the next few days were painfully silent. I recalled falling asleep during QT. and when i managed to kept awake the feeling was odd - it was as if God was sitting in front of me, back faced away, He knew I was there, but just didn't want to give me the hug I so needed. It felt so dry, and I felt so alone. And I searched my heart for something that could have gone amiss. but (in all humility now) I found nothing I could have done wrong.
Unless it was happiness that caused me to gone astray. and like the cat with a tail named 'happiness', perhaps I had reveled and chased happiness too much and had gone in circles. and all i had to do was continue to walk straight, and happiness, like the tail, would follow. but maybe I had put happiness in front of God. or maybe I had put other people in front of Him. God was teaching something. I repented.
Fasting during recess. memories of that fast at the start of the year. the balcony was revisited, and there we mourned again for the presence of our Savior, to return to return. And He spoke of holiness, spoke of the way He had made for us to enter His holy presence (through Jesus), but spoke also of our unwillingness to enter. why?
And today. he spoke again. thank God (:. and He brought to mind 'What a friend we have in Jesus', reminded me that not one of His sheep would ever be plucked from His hand. and that He will bring all his sheep back to him, no matter what. What blessed assurance! John 10:14-30, in case you guys are wondering.
REW followup - people were touched. hopefully. your call now God.
Koinonia - an imminent excitement. come come Lord. come and stir the hearts of men
flashback Saturday once again. kenneth, tess and i went to support the OMers; we half-expected a first placing for our dear friends (Jlow, Dan, Jin, Cao, Cherums, Chups), waited in anticipation with a jar of peanut butter to celebrate - but disappointment ensued - and they clinched the silver medal. I recalled that look of dismay, of confusion and lostness, and I could only stand beside them and provide a pat on the back, and the assurance that God was still faithful.
Celebrating disappointment - somehow I expect a similar situation to arise soon when council members are announced - but disappointment is something that should be dealt with by celebration, and thanksgiving to our Father. no matter what the result. there must have been some purpose. definitely some purpose. maybe they were meant to go on OEP after all (:
always always seek God.
always always thank God.
always always love God.
always always love each other
haha. it's so simple (:
what happiness. you might ask? plenty. He has blessed plentifully.
Memories from Ubin still tussling about my mind. Recalling the night before, people reiterating the need for a back-up plan, people questioning the protocol if it rained - and I too was slightly worried for the skies seemed primed to darken - but God provided, and it never did rain - not till we were all safely on that bus back to school. And me worrying a few days back that Saturday was coming - yes Saturdays were the climax of depression - but God did a miracle, and Saturday became the pinnacle of joy instead. (:
Somehow the role of PSM fell upon me - fortunately it wasn't a formal parade. but despite less-than-adequate preparation and the prospect of a dry ration lunch - yes the preparations for this was immense, we had peanut butter, oreos, curry puffs (sorry Eryn), you name it - it all turned out to be a fabulous time.
Or course. we had our fair share of casualties. Whilst leading the pack I had the most number of falls (haha the irony - having taught the rest how to use the brakes); MK was severely wounded by the evil mozzies, Alex's bike became twisted. haha, but bad thingies aside. Kenneth learned the ways of biking in a matter of minutes, we had a fantabulous seafood lunch, and Wesley didn't throw up on the bumboat, I won the bike race (haha); and yes, we didn't get lost.
forgive me. I never remember the details. and even if i do, i never have the patience nor the time to type it all out - haha Fab...this is for you to fill in the gaps! - but yes. just thank God. He was there. surely.
---
Returning to the Scout's den (yes we found refuge in rather unexpected places), a sense of sadness did sweep across my heart. I was unsure why. maybe it was God's sadness. But somehow there was a strong need for repentance, and a strong need for us to seek Him.
And 2 a.m. Sunday morn. I awoke to a feeling of fear and uneasiness. The rash that had broke out on my back started to itch - and I went to pray - instinctively. that was when God said - Keep watch that you may not fall into temptation. Keep watch, I may return at anytime. Keep watch for the time is near. The call was so strong. we had to start keeping watch.
the next few days were painfully silent. I recalled falling asleep during QT. and when i managed to kept awake the feeling was odd - it was as if God was sitting in front of me, back faced away, He knew I was there, but just didn't want to give me the hug I so needed. It felt so dry, and I felt so alone. And I searched my heart for something that could have gone amiss. but (in all humility now) I found nothing I could have done wrong.
Unless it was happiness that caused me to gone astray. and like the cat with a tail named 'happiness', perhaps I had reveled and chased happiness too much and had gone in circles. and all i had to do was continue to walk straight, and happiness, like the tail, would follow. but maybe I had put happiness in front of God. or maybe I had put other people in front of Him. God was teaching something. I repented.
Fasting during recess. memories of that fast at the start of the year. the balcony was revisited, and there we mourned again for the presence of our Savior, to return to return. And He spoke of holiness, spoke of the way He had made for us to enter His holy presence (through Jesus), but spoke also of our unwillingness to enter. why?
And today. he spoke again. thank God (:. and He brought to mind 'What a friend we have in Jesus', reminded me that not one of His sheep would ever be plucked from His hand. and that He will bring all his sheep back to him, no matter what. What blessed assurance! John 10:14-30, in case you guys are wondering.
REW followup - people were touched. hopefully. your call now God.
Koinonia - an imminent excitement. come come Lord. come and stir the hearts of men
---
flashback Saturday once again. kenneth, tess and i went to support the OMers; we half-expected a first placing for our dear friends (Jlow, Dan, Jin, Cao, Cherums, Chups), waited in anticipation with a jar of peanut butter to celebrate - but disappointment ensued - and they clinched the silver medal. I recalled that look of dismay, of confusion and lostness, and I could only stand beside them and provide a pat on the back, and the assurance that God was still faithful.
Celebrating disappointment - somehow I expect a similar situation to arise soon when council members are announced - but disappointment is something that should be dealt with by celebration, and thanksgiving to our Father. no matter what the result. there must have been some purpose. definitely some purpose. maybe they were meant to go on OEP after all (:
always always seek God.
always always thank God.
always always love God.
always always love each other
haha. it's so simple (:
Friday, April 06, 2007
Secret Book
I think I lost me somewhere. I think I lost my secret book somewhere - it's beige yellow with a 'Wisma Atria' on the cover page - some woman with a shopping bag. if anyone has seen it, please - you know what to do. aye. all that spiritual blueprint convictions are written within, and in a moment, i lost it all. i pray God keeps those convictions within my heart. anyway a passage to share from Hebrews:
Good Friday - have we ever spent a moment reflecting on the significance of this very day?
Jesus - the incarnate son of God. when God became man He showed us that He was a God who was and still is most personal, choosing to humble himself, lower himself to our position and identify with the plight of man. As such, it is no longer a theoretical knowledge that God has of the plight of man, but an actual experience. and if the cross was the epitome of all suffering, then indeed God has experienced the suffering of being human. it is no longer sympathy, but empathy. such is the God who we have a relationship with - one who understands every struggle perfectly.
the hands that flung the stars into space, have given themselves up to be nailed to the cross.
O what a wonder that God should be crucified for our sins. what meekness and majesty. the King, crucified. the only God in the world - the true God indeed - who is identified with suffering. and as it were, on that very day at Golgotha, all the forces of darkness and evil gathered against him, and tormented him, inflicting all hell upon him. and it seem he were defeated - and he let out that cry - why have thou forsaken me? that was the pain he went through - nothing is more excruciating then being separated from the Father.
a God who can identify with suffering - but what good is that? what good is it if He cannot offer a way out, but can only comfort us in our times of suffering. but here lies the difference - our God is an Awesome God, Mighty to Save. and when all the forces of evil battled him that day - our Lord defeated them all at that very showdown!
but suffering still exists. struggles still abound. but they have lost their power. where is thy sting O death?
thank God this day for his bountiful love and mercy. it really is Good Friday. look forward to celebrating his victory on Easter!
(and I shall end off with a rather important help section, at this dire time of great need. yes thank God for all the experience gathered...haha)
-=HOW NOT TO 'EMO'=-
1) Talk to your Father above - this is miracle cure number 1! (:
2) Friends are a great support from God. haha and they are just a ring away! (of course calling too many times could be detrimental for their studies)
3) Drown yourself in homework (works for me - but it could just make it worse for most ppl haha)
4) Don't look at the rain whilst leaning on the metal bars outside our classrooms (but i like doing that...)
5) Just keep smiling. and keep praising God. surrender everything to Him.
19Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Good Friday - have we ever spent a moment reflecting on the significance of this very day?
Jesus - the incarnate son of God. when God became man He showed us that He was a God who was and still is most personal, choosing to humble himself, lower himself to our position and identify with the plight of man. As such, it is no longer a theoretical knowledge that God has of the plight of man, but an actual experience. and if the cross was the epitome of all suffering, then indeed God has experienced the suffering of being human. it is no longer sympathy, but empathy. such is the God who we have a relationship with - one who understands every struggle perfectly.
the hands that flung the stars into space, have given themselves up to be nailed to the cross.
O what a wonder that God should be crucified for our sins. what meekness and majesty. the King, crucified. the only God in the world - the true God indeed - who is identified with suffering. and as it were, on that very day at Golgotha, all the forces of darkness and evil gathered against him, and tormented him, inflicting all hell upon him. and it seem he were defeated - and he let out that cry - why have thou forsaken me? that was the pain he went through - nothing is more excruciating then being separated from the Father.
a God who can identify with suffering - but what good is that? what good is it if He cannot offer a way out, but can only comfort us in our times of suffering. but here lies the difference - our God is an Awesome God, Mighty to Save. and when all the forces of evil battled him that day - our Lord defeated them all at that very showdown!
but suffering still exists. struggles still abound. but they have lost their power. where is thy sting O death?
thank God this day for his bountiful love and mercy. it really is Good Friday. look forward to celebrating his victory on Easter!
...
(and I shall end off with a rather important help section, at this dire time of great need. yes thank God for all the experience gathered...haha)
-=HOW NOT TO 'EMO'=-
1) Talk to your Father above - this is miracle cure number 1! (:
2) Friends are a great support from God. haha and they are just a ring away! (of course calling too many times could be detrimental for their studies)
3) Drown yourself in homework (works for me - but it could just make it worse for most ppl haha)
4) Don't look at the rain whilst leaning on the metal bars outside our classrooms (but i like doing that...)
5) Just keep smiling. and keep praising God. surrender everything to Him.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
The Desert
I often wonder - why the sudden bouts of dryness?
Maybe it's just the weather. when skies are sunny, emotions run high and positively ecstatic. when clouds start to gather, so worries start to cloud the heart. sunset - peace. thunderstorms - awe. drizzles - contemplation. but it cannot just be the weather.
human effort alone does nothing to get us to God. perhaps, just perhaps, trying too hard has left me drier than what I began with. the natural inclination when one faces disappointment - to reprimand oneself, to condemn oneself, such is the sharp conscience that I possess - curse or blessing, i wonder as well. it cuts deep.
but God always reminds me that he is sufficient. he is all i need. saved by grace and nothing else. all i need to do is accept what he is offering. why am i trying so hard? it's so painful.
perhaps God pulls himself a little further every time he wants us to draw nearer to him. sometimes he whispers from afar - we cannot hear him - but that's just because he wants us to draw nearer. perhaps.
nevertheless, despite the disappointment experienced today - lots of it - mentorship scheme left hanging, and (of all things) parade forecast was left at home. no qualms about defaulters, i think my conscience and all has already left me in shambles - worse than any defaulters' could ever do.
but somehow God always manages to pick me up. to confess of my sin. to come to him helpless as a child needing a father. and to be picked up by him. wow.
and he beckons to all who are thirsty to go to him and drink of the living water. and then streams of abundance will also flow out of him into the rest of the world...ahhh. help me experience that - no - help me know that Lord. experience is so transient - knowledge is what I hope for Lord :)
Maybe it's just the weather. when skies are sunny, emotions run high and positively ecstatic. when clouds start to gather, so worries start to cloud the heart. sunset - peace. thunderstorms - awe. drizzles - contemplation. but it cannot just be the weather.
human effort alone does nothing to get us to God. perhaps, just perhaps, trying too hard has left me drier than what I began with. the natural inclination when one faces disappointment - to reprimand oneself, to condemn oneself, such is the sharp conscience that I possess - curse or blessing, i wonder as well. it cuts deep.
but God always reminds me that he is sufficient. he is all i need. saved by grace and nothing else. all i need to do is accept what he is offering. why am i trying so hard? it's so painful.
perhaps God pulls himself a little further every time he wants us to draw nearer to him. sometimes he whispers from afar - we cannot hear him - but that's just because he wants us to draw nearer. perhaps.
nevertheless, despite the disappointment experienced today - lots of it - mentorship scheme left hanging, and (of all things) parade forecast was left at home. no qualms about defaulters, i think my conscience and all has already left me in shambles - worse than any defaulters' could ever do.
but somehow God always manages to pick me up. to confess of my sin. to come to him helpless as a child needing a father. and to be picked up by him. wow.
and he beckons to all who are thirsty to go to him and drink of the living water. and then streams of abundance will also flow out of him into the rest of the world...ahhh. help me experience that - no - help me know that Lord. experience is so transient - knowledge is what I hope for Lord :)
A Greater Song
I see the heavens proclaiming You day after day
and I know in my heart that there must be a way
to sing a greater song
a greater song for You on the earth
to sing a greater song
a greater song for You on the earth
Right now, reclining in the back of my computer chair, past midnight, a busy day, a tiring day, have you ever had that sense of lostness after a long day of being with friends and company? Have you ever felt that sudden sense of emptiness once the CPA curtains close with a bang (and a rather needed school anthem)? Have you ever felt a sense of loneliness once the crowds disperse and the dust settles?
Tim has. and sometimes Tim chooses to cover his ears, block out the sounds of the world, and recline into silence - not emo - but simply a point to recharge and focus back on God. As a self-proclaimed introvert, perhaps Tim draws strength sometimes from just being alone - with his Father in heaven. Just singing, and just praising Him.
Today was another rather tough day, but Tim is glad that God has seen him through it, and there is still joy brimming from within. No more sadness, no more sadness. Soccer, Black Comedy, Friends and God - enough reasons to smile :):):)
and tomorrow. de-day arrives. CE presentation. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, oh God my song and my salvation!
and I know in my heart that there must be a way
to sing a greater song
a greater song for You on the earth
to sing a greater song
a greater song for You on the earth
Right now, reclining in the back of my computer chair, past midnight, a busy day, a tiring day, have you ever had that sense of lostness after a long day of being with friends and company? Have you ever felt that sudden sense of emptiness once the CPA curtains close with a bang (and a rather needed school anthem)? Have you ever felt a sense of loneliness once the crowds disperse and the dust settles?
Tim has. and sometimes Tim chooses to cover his ears, block out the sounds of the world, and recline into silence - not emo - but simply a point to recharge and focus back on God. As a self-proclaimed introvert, perhaps Tim draws strength sometimes from just being alone - with his Father in heaven. Just singing, and just praising Him.
Today was another rather tough day, but Tim is glad that God has seen him through it, and there is still joy brimming from within. No more sadness, no more sadness. Soccer, Black Comedy, Friends and God - enough reasons to smile :):):)
and tomorrow. de-day arrives. CE presentation. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, oh God my song and my salvation!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Thy Word - a LAMP unto my feet
The Greater Sunshine
Tim - on a sunny day
I found one day this sunshine
That would not go away;
Twas Innocence that led me
To bask in its array.
Then chancing on this honey pot
That left itself ajar;
Twas Innocence that led me
To push - albeit too far.
But there's a greater sunshine
Why can't I taste and see?
That there's a Loving Father
Who yearns to care for me.
Then Truth found me one day, at last (Alas!)
I knew not what to say
To part was such sweet sorrow -
But it's Him who leads the way.
But there's a greater sunshine - we need to experience this greater warmth and greater love - from the one and only God above!
Primer's Vision: keep staying in God's love, keep experiencing it. And once we love him, we answer that question from John 21:15. And we're going to feed Jesus' Lambs!
Sleepover at XL's place was quite a traumatic experience at times - being interrogated whilst squashed by a giant beanbag chair, being tau-poked by my jolly friends while half asleep...I guess it was all enjoyable. :)
Thank You God. and again we rejoice!
Tim - on a sunny day
I found one day this sunshine
That would not go away;
Twas Innocence that led me
To bask in its array.
Then chancing on this honey pot
That left itself ajar;
Twas Innocence that led me
To push - albeit too far.
But there's a greater sunshine
Why can't I taste and see?
That there's a Loving Father
Who yearns to care for me.
Then Truth found me one day, at last (Alas!)
I knew not what to say
To part was such sweet sorrow -
But it's Him who leads the way.
...
rather sad blog of mine.LAMP, despite it's dull moments, was never short of some enlightening moments - and after LAMP fellowship was always just as worth it - a shocking reminder of the little time left I have with my friends and classmates. Today I lay down with John Tay and lamented (in the usual way we nostalgic, sentimental people do) at the passing of time - such a recurring theme, on this
But there's a greater sunshine - we need to experience this greater warmth and greater love - from the one and only God above!
"As My Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love"
"and this is my commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you"John 15:9, 12
Primer's Vision: keep staying in God's love, keep experiencing it. And once we love him, we answer that question from John 21:15. And we're going to feed Jesus' Lambs!
Sleepover at XL's place was quite a traumatic experience at times - being interrogated whilst squashed by a giant beanbag chair, being tau-poked by my jolly friends while half asleep...I guess it was all enjoyable. :)
Thank You God. and again we rejoice!
Sunday, March 11, 2007
I Knew It
Tim really cannot hide a secret.
Tim really cannot mask his emotions as well.
That Friday afternoon I felt rather defeated, white space culminated with the piling on of two more rather tedious Chinese comparison analysis essays, my mind did degenerate into one big white space. White noise - blankness - and I just submerged into that endless oblivion of wondering why everything had just befallen me. Maybe it was because I fell asleep doing QT the previous night.
No it was more than that - as I later confided with John - physical stress (tiredness), emotional stress (rather tricky this one) and academic stress (overload for the rather short Week 11 of school).
Thursday - the day before. Wanting to continue the art class ministry eventually ended up almost losing my mind over some unresolved matter. I ran off to the circular classroom where Mr Goh (my teacher for a week) has his math class - I ran there for it was dark, it was cold and metallic, glassy, and when you said anything, it echoed throughout. And know-wonder people have been saying that I'm getting very emo.
And I have decided to turn over a new leaf - thanks to much support from my fellow brothers and sisters beside me...aww thanks for the note on Saturday Kenneth, much appreciated and much love in return - though i know you hate that soppy stuff. That was my emotional first aid - ah...first aid, we did teach the Sec 2s first aid. And I had my dose of being a drill instructor :)
and thank God, who has been asking me to rest in Him. Though He feels so far away sometimes, oh Lord u made me a person dependent on senses and experience, and now you're teaching me not to rely on those senses - how painful, but how essential, be ever so real to me Lord!
Chamber chamber. I did enjoy it. But I was quite tired as well. and the music was rather therapeutic. Not a worthy critic, so silence is golden :)
work work. at least the hols will be busy.
Tim really cannot mask his emotions as well.
That Friday afternoon I felt rather defeated, white space culminated with the piling on of two more rather tedious Chinese comparison analysis essays, my mind did degenerate into one big white space. White noise - blankness - and I just submerged into that endless oblivion of wondering why everything had just befallen me. Maybe it was because I fell asleep doing QT the previous night.
No it was more than that - as I later confided with John - physical stress (tiredness), emotional stress (rather tricky this one) and academic stress (overload for the rather short Week 11 of school).
Thursday - the day before. Wanting to continue the art class ministry eventually ended up almost losing my mind over some unresolved matter. I ran off to the circular classroom where Mr Goh (my teacher for a week) has his math class - I ran there for it was dark, it was cold and metallic, glassy, and when you said anything, it echoed throughout. And know-wonder people have been saying that I'm getting very emo.
And I have decided to turn over a new leaf - thanks to much support from my fellow brothers and sisters beside me...aww thanks for the note on Saturday Kenneth, much appreciated and much love in return - though i know you hate that soppy stuff. That was my emotional first aid - ah...first aid, we did teach the Sec 2s first aid. And I had my dose of being a drill instructor :)
and thank God, who has been asking me to rest in Him. Though He feels so far away sometimes, oh Lord u made me a person dependent on senses and experience, and now you're teaching me not to rely on those senses - how painful, but how essential, be ever so real to me Lord!
Chamber chamber. I did enjoy it. But I was quite tired as well. and the music was rather therapeutic. Not a worthy critic, so silence is golden :)
work work. at least the hols will be busy.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Sky Gazing
-=Ten Minute Sky Poem=-
-John Tay/Benlee/Huang Zi/Tim-
Have you ever talked to the sky?
Gazed at the cool blue, watched the clouds go by
Drift to the heavens - thought of your fantasy guy
---
They tease, they play; You sigh and wonder why
If clouds could frolic all day
Then why not I?
-=A Dark Sky=-
-Tim- inspiration by Mr Charles Ng
The time was nigh
Descent of winged beasts
Ferocious, Devouring
On our livelihood they feast
Broken silence -
A sudden flurry
Unbroken darkness -
There was no hurry
No hurry
Leave us we plead
Haste off and go
Abandon us to mourning
But - alas - pharaoh said no.
Inside every one of us there is a poem just waiting to burst forth - we just need to unleash it, to unleash our emotions upon the literary world - to compose our thoughts and feelings into packets of poetry - ready to make an impact on other people's lives. Every poem like a compressed package of emotions - tagged as 'dangerous' - but delightful to peer into. Mixed emotions ensue.
And perhaps it's just these sudden attacks of emotions unleashed upon me - and I can't help but channel them into poetry - no matter how monstrous the result.
New line - 93206492 - (or expressed in my mind - )
93 - (first four numbers of an A.P) - 92 (aha! which makes it easy to remember!)
Well well. Math beckons. Memories of time spent (wasted) in the admin room yesterday trying to do work - but at least math was easier with the genius seated beside me.
(cries of 'how ironic!' but I'm ignoring...)
Inter Wing Games - adrenaline rush - water bags in hand - we went off. But I spent most of my time tying water bombs anyway - and ended off with a blistering blister! By virtue of the fact that we started the game slightly earlier and could run faster, we managed to secure all three bases and pretty much won the game from the beginning. It was quite well planned I guess, and everyone had a splendid time just bonding away.
Term 1 Week 10 already - and I'm starting to miss school ): We don't have much of school life left...
-John Tay/Benlee/Huang Zi/Tim-
Have you ever talked to the sky?
Gazed at the cool blue, watched the clouds go by
Drift to the heavens - thought of your fantasy guy
---
They tease, they play; You sigh and wonder why
If clouds could frolic all day
Then why not I?
-=A Dark Sky=-
-Tim- inspiration by Mr Charles Ng
The time was nigh
Descent of winged beasts
Ferocious, Devouring
On our livelihood they feast
Broken silence -
A sudden flurry
Unbroken darkness -
There was no hurry
No hurry
Leave us we plead
Haste off and go
Abandon us to mourning
But - alas - pharaoh said no.
...
Inside every one of us there is a poem just waiting to burst forth - we just need to unleash it, to unleash our emotions upon the literary world - to compose our thoughts and feelings into packets of poetry - ready to make an impact on other people's lives. Every poem like a compressed package of emotions - tagged as 'dangerous' - but delightful to peer into. Mixed emotions ensue.
And perhaps it's just these sudden attacks of emotions unleashed upon me - and I can't help but channel them into poetry - no matter how monstrous the result.
New line - 93206492 - (or expressed in my mind - )
93 - (first four numbers of an A.P) - 92 (aha! which makes it easy to remember!)
Well well. Math beckons. Memories of time spent (wasted) in the admin room yesterday trying to do work - but at least math was easier with the genius seated beside me.
(cries of 'how ironic!' but I'm ignoring...)
Inter Wing Games - adrenaline rush - water bags in hand - we went off. But I spent most of my time tying water bombs anyway - and ended off with a blistering blister! By virtue of the fact that we started the game slightly earlier and could run faster, we managed to secure all three bases and pretty much won the game from the beginning. It was quite well planned I guess, and everyone had a splendid time just bonding away.
Term 1 Week 10 already - and I'm starting to miss school ): We don't have much of school life left...
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby
...
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
Dreams - that subconscious realm within every one of us - perhaps the window into our truest desires, our thoughts, our feelings, our experiences. I can't remember many dreams, but those that I have, I treasure up and relieve over and over. Good dreams. Thank God I have lots of them. Some too good to be true, some too absurd to be taken seriously, some so close yet so far.
And they used to torment me - nightmares - the supernatural - but I prayed - and God took care of me. Oh those times of innocent faith, simple childlikeness, bring me back again Lord. Help me relieve those days when every night a little child would come to you pleading for you to intervene in his dreams. When he would pray that you would guard the doors to his mind, fighting the evil ones off with the sword and shield - O the days when he saw you so mighty, so great, like a warrior prepared for battle.
And I recall that old lady, with her hand strumming away at the guitar, striking the guitar with a frail thump of her knuckles, every rattle, every repetition - a painful reminder of her state of mind. She strummed helplessly, when I held back, she beckoned again, I looked into her writhing eyes, smiled, and wanted to help, but only God could save a broken life.
And the songs, and the guitar, and the simple tunes to our Lord, echoing through the nursing home, bringing cheer - hopefully filling the empty hearts. There was joy, but it was coupled by a hollow sense of sorrow as well. I for one had the honor to sing, to smile, O Lord restore to me joy again.
And in the darkness of the night, stumbling upon a soul that had lost all faith, I tried to rekindle, I tried to help him reconsider, I prayed for him, but the call ended with a rushed exit - with that boys' parents fuming in the background. I pray God will open his heart, I pray God will open our hearts, I pray that God will come and live in everyone once again. He said his prayers were unanswered - and lost faith. O Lord, answer him please.
And me, recently, lost and not knowing where to go. Haven't heard God clearly for a long time, and still here on the computer lamenting this apparently lostness. You bad boy, go spend more time with your Father, He wants to speak to you, and here you are, distracted by the things of life, captivated by the gifts rather than the giver, not knowing how to delight in Him, not knowing what He's saying...why? I wish to be back with you again Father - not only back, but closer than before...
Dreams hardly come true though. But we always wish they did....sigh.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Ghost Rider
In retrospect, it got me thinking when we were chased out of the MRT station, while everyone was still in a half-state of sleep, trying to worship God in the morning - so much for worshiping in a public place.
In retrospect, it got me thinking when Fab left us on the wooden deck in VivoCity - I squatted in a corner with my guitar (in the classic 'emo pose') and thought. Perhaps it was too Pharisee-tical? Perhaps it was for show? What was it? And expectedly, I must say that it felt hard to worship this morning - strangely difficult - maybe God was telling us something.
And whilst in this pseudo state of reflection, I was immediately tossed into a dark cinema - watching scenes of Johnny transforming into burning skull and innocent victims being de-souled. It wasn't that bad a movie - but I was never a good critic - so don't take my word for it.
And yet again I was made fun of - my picture was broadcast - my soft spots were prodded. It wasn't painful - it was just strange - well at least it wasn't painful - I'm over those times. One day you'll all know - then you'll all understand....
meanwhile. How can I get deeper in love with God? How oh how? where is that crush?
In retrospect, it got me thinking when Fab left us on the wooden deck in VivoCity - I squatted in a corner with my guitar (in the classic 'emo pose') and thought. Perhaps it was too Pharisee-tical? Perhaps it was for show? What was it? And expectedly, I must say that it felt hard to worship this morning - strangely difficult - maybe God was telling us something.
And whilst in this pseudo state of reflection, I was immediately tossed into a dark cinema - watching scenes of Johnny transforming into burning skull and innocent victims being de-souled. It wasn't that bad a movie - but I was never a good critic - so don't take my word for it.
And yet again I was made fun of - my picture was broadcast - my soft spots were prodded. It wasn't painful - it was just strange - well at least it wasn't painful - I'm over those times. One day you'll all know - then you'll all understand....
meanwhile. How can I get deeper in love with God? How oh how? where is that crush?
Sunday, January 28, 2007
ClockBuilding not TimeTelling
'Built to Last' speaks of how to build a visionary organization, one that will stand the test of time, that will persist through trial, and permanently etch itself on upon the fabric of time. Such an organization would focus not on profits, not on the moment, but on the values that it stands for. Mr Charles Ng gave the inspiring lecture, and asked the prompting question:
"What do you stand for?"
This is a question all should consider. If one day you were to pass on, and be packed up in a little (midget) coffin box (Sylvia Plath yet again...), what would everybody remember you for. And I pondered, and mused, and jotted down three values - a little peek into what I stand for, and a further understanding of who I am (for those who haven't known me yet):
1) Mugger/Diligence
Academic excellence would be what people would remember me for. The many awards, the crowded shelfs paced with certificates and plaques, the tray on Founder's Day. Diligence, and simply pure hard work - I am no genius, just a person who's willing to sacrifice a little time and energy. But (ironically, some may think), I would not want to be remembered for such a (trivial, might I say) thing.
2) Listener cum friend
I've told many people that I'm akin to a rubbish bin, just dump your sorrows, your concerns and your struggles upon me. It's a great emotional burden sometimes, but it's worthwhile helping a friend in need. I guess listening is all part of that labor of love that Christ has called every believer to. Everyone needs to pour out their soul, to empty themselves and examine what remains, to be broken, and a listener helps. Of course, we listeners need our listeners as well :)
3) Optimism -the brighter side
Many have commented that I'm a rather optimistic individual - albeit rather annoying at it. the uncanny ability to have hope in times of hopelessness (though hope is the first step to disappointment - as Kenneth points out). The ability to see light in the dark. Just trust God. It's so simple, yet so hard to believe. And I'm starting to struggle a little myself...
And so, these are the clocks I've decided to build throughout my life, hopefully Christ will be exemplified through them, and the world will see Him through me. Only Him, not me.
"What do you stand for?"
This is a question all should consider. If one day you were to pass on, and be packed up in a little (midget) coffin box (Sylvia Plath yet again...), what would everybody remember you for. And I pondered, and mused, and jotted down three values - a little peek into what I stand for, and a further understanding of who I am (for those who haven't known me yet):
1) Mugger/Diligence
Academic excellence would be what people would remember me for. The many awards, the crowded shelfs paced with certificates and plaques, the tray on Founder's Day. Diligence, and simply pure hard work - I am no genius, just a person who's willing to sacrifice a little time and energy. But (ironically, some may think), I would not want to be remembered for such a (trivial, might I say) thing.
2) Listener cum friend
I've told many people that I'm akin to a rubbish bin, just dump your sorrows, your concerns and your struggles upon me. It's a great emotional burden sometimes, but it's worthwhile helping a friend in need. I guess listening is all part of that labor of love that Christ has called every believer to. Everyone needs to pour out their soul, to empty themselves and examine what remains, to be broken, and a listener helps. Of course, we listeners need our listeners as well :)
3) Optimism -the brighter side
Many have commented that I'm a rather optimistic individual - albeit rather annoying at it. the uncanny ability to have hope in times of hopelessness (though hope is the first step to disappointment - as Kenneth points out). The ability to see light in the dark. Just trust God. It's so simple, yet so hard to believe. And I'm starting to struggle a little myself...
And so, these are the clocks I've decided to build throughout my life, hopefully Christ will be exemplified through them, and the world will see Him through me. Only Him, not me.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Ministry of Fire
The fellowship of the ring - YMCA stools arranged in a circle, as we stared blankly at each other and awaited the announcement of Primers' post. Earlier that week we had been interviewed in the classic "Moderator, Interrogator, Distractor, Observer" style, we had been thrown into corners and observed like little mice scurrying through a maze for cheese (a rather random thought taken from 'Flowers for Algernon).
To be honest, it was no pleasant surprise when I became chairman for the Christian Education committee. A daunting road lay ahead for me, a daunting, challenging, but possibly rewarding one. Up to now, the only action I've taken is pray. And prayer is ever so important.
Five Loaves and Two fishes. That's all we've got, and that's all God wants from us - our everything. Break us O Lord, that the five thousand may be fed.
And often I question myself on what it means to be broken. How does it feel like to be broken. What breaks? Over time, God has allowed many a better picture of what being broken is all about, and most of us have probably experienced it before. It's the breaking of human will. The surrender of our human desires, and entrusting ourselves completely to God's will. Painful sacrifice of what we've ever wanted - our sinful pleasure, our self-glorification, even our 'good intentions'. No doubt it hurts, and many have cried while being broken (me included), questioning God for why he has to put us through such excruciating trial.
Are we willing to be broken? Are we willing to give up everything for God?
As bread that is broken, use our lives. As wine that is poured out as a willing sacrifice.
And as for tomorrow - Lord guide my lips, and may the Spirit speak - not me - and convict. This I pray earnestly. Amen.
To be honest, it was no pleasant surprise when I became chairman for the Christian Education committee. A daunting road lay ahead for me, a daunting, challenging, but possibly rewarding one. Up to now, the only action I've taken is pray. And prayer is ever so important.
Five Loaves and Two fishes. That's all we've got, and that's all God wants from us - our everything. Break us O Lord, that the five thousand may be fed.
And often I question myself on what it means to be broken. How does it feel like to be broken. What breaks? Over time, God has allowed many a better picture of what being broken is all about, and most of us have probably experienced it before. It's the breaking of human will. The surrender of our human desires, and entrusting ourselves completely to God's will. Painful sacrifice of what we've ever wanted - our sinful pleasure, our self-glorification, even our 'good intentions'. No doubt it hurts, and many have cried while being broken (me included), questioning God for why he has to put us through such excruciating trial.
Are we willing to be broken? Are we willing to give up everything for God?
As bread that is broken, use our lives. As wine that is poured out as a willing sacrifice.
And as for tomorrow - Lord guide my lips, and may the Spirit speak - not me - and convict. This I pray earnestly. Amen.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
The Cho
Recall the cho across which Dr Khanna's father took his last steps, the searing desert heat, and unbearable pain burning through your feet. Tying leaves to his feet, only to find the leaves completely permeable to the heat. Perhaps a fictitious place, but one which our school's Astro Turf is modelled upon. For today I tasted the the full blast of the heated turf.
Perhaps it was sheer madness that caused me not to have second thoughts about wearing sandals to school, it was entirely possible for me to return home and fetch a pair of shoes, given that I had only realised my folly about two steps out of the Condominium estate. Still, I persisted, choosing to put faith in my not-so-tough-as-steel feet, only to find regret.
To be fair, the ground only threatened at the beginning, hardly a tingle, but prolonged exposure was - in a word - hell. In a moment it became clear that I would not last, even as I struggled to hentak-kaki to beat the heat. Half an hour into the game and I sat out, because it was far too hot. I had hoped for the sun to go down, but apparently it wouldn't relent, not today.
But there was purpose in all this I guess. For in my sitting I struck up a conversation with David, on of those in charge of the MCYC youths - who, coincidentally came for a meet-the-BB-Boys' (with a captial B as always) session - and it was in this conversation that we exchanged thoughts on the workings and building of a Preaching Point, during which of course I shared the interesting experiences of worshipping in a Cathay Cinema Hall.
And that would bring us to MCYC, the camp which has both been a blessing and (sometimes, unfortunately) a burden - still, I'd prefer to see it as a blessing. As the youths came and went, mixing with us in the process, we felt joy, we felt fulfilment, and we also felt that we had a long way to go. Breaking down age, education and (yes) gender barriers was no picnic, and we would have our hands full for the coming two weeks. Still I debate over the possibility of attending the camp, to go or not to go, though the latter seems more likely - given a very packed schedule.
Recently, I've been trying to finish a book that was (graciously) lent to me by Derek - The Moor's Last Sigh by Salman Rushdie (the poor potato). A satisfying read so far, but difficult to understand in its own ways. An exploration into a dysfunctional family, revelations of human nature, the very best and the very worst, struggles within relationships, passion, desire, abstinence, rejection, ecstasy, all the different flavors of life, tantalizing spices of life, dashed onto a platter, a generous portion indeed.
And now, it seems, this blog remains as but a fragment of what it was. Merely a record of life now, unvisited (though many come and go silently). Let it be that way. To my invisible audience, adieu!
Perhaps it was sheer madness that caused me not to have second thoughts about wearing sandals to school, it was entirely possible for me to return home and fetch a pair of shoes, given that I had only realised my folly about two steps out of the Condominium estate. Still, I persisted, choosing to put faith in my not-so-tough-as-steel feet, only to find regret.
To be fair, the ground only threatened at the beginning, hardly a tingle, but prolonged exposure was - in a word - hell. In a moment it became clear that I would not last, even as I struggled to hentak-kaki to beat the heat. Half an hour into the game and I sat out, because it was far too hot. I had hoped for the sun to go down, but apparently it wouldn't relent, not today.
But there was purpose in all this I guess. For in my sitting I struck up a conversation with David, on of those in charge of the MCYC youths - who, coincidentally came for a meet-the-BB-Boys' (with a captial B as always) session - and it was in this conversation that we exchanged thoughts on the workings and building of a Preaching Point, during which of course I shared the interesting experiences of worshipping in a Cathay Cinema Hall.
And that would bring us to MCYC, the camp which has both been a blessing and (sometimes, unfortunately) a burden - still, I'd prefer to see it as a blessing. As the youths came and went, mixing with us in the process, we felt joy, we felt fulfilment, and we also felt that we had a long way to go. Breaking down age, education and (yes) gender barriers was no picnic, and we would have our hands full for the coming two weeks. Still I debate over the possibility of attending the camp, to go or not to go, though the latter seems more likely - given a very packed schedule.
Recently, I've been trying to finish a book that was (graciously) lent to me by Derek - The Moor's Last Sigh by Salman Rushdie (the poor potato). A satisfying read so far, but difficult to understand in its own ways. An exploration into a dysfunctional family, revelations of human nature, the very best and the very worst, struggles within relationships, passion, desire, abstinence, rejection, ecstasy, all the different flavors of life, tantalizing spices of life, dashed onto a platter, a generous portion indeed.
And now, it seems, this blog remains as but a fragment of what it was. Merely a record of life now, unvisited (though many come and go silently). Let it be that way. To my invisible audience, adieu!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
ROD: The Next Lap
ROD ROD ROD. Three letters. Relief of Duty. Or what army peeps would call ORD - Operationally ready for Duty. Well. An event usually characterized by ectasy, but intense joy. Who wouldn't want to leave UYO, to have a free friday, to be free from push-ups, responsibility, and everything that is part and parcel of UYO.
I must admit I was quite relieved as well...it was a great feeling, to be finally over and done with Admin...finally, longer free time on Saturdays...longer sleeping hours...and happy mornings to do homework with :D However. There was something about BB that I was definitely going to miss. Quoting Bong: "BB has become such an integral part of our lives, and suddenly it is wrenched away, it feels so sad." indeed...there will always be that sense of loss. The bonds made will continue hanging on, and being neither here nor there is always the most painful.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. beautifully said by Juliet...sigh. How can parting possibly be 'sweet' you ask? Well...i guess it's because where there's parting, there's also a chance for meeting again, and that hope to meet again will always remain sweet in our minds...The sweetness also comes in the increased knowledge of our love for one another. Absence does make the heart grow fonder after all...and we only truly appreciate what we have once we have lost it...I guess Eric would understand what I'm talking about.
Increasing laps get tougher...they require more and more stamina. Not only physically but spiritually, i pray that God will continue to renew me somehow...it's difficult to carry on serving Him...difficult but definitely not a chore...in fact it is still a joy to see people blessed and to make my Father in heaven happy as well :D. But...We can't deny that the higher up we go, the higher His expectations of us...and the more temptations we'll face, the more problems we'll face: problems of pride, of self-glorification, of mis-using gifts...sigh...it's tough
Well...It's on to the next lap now...and it's never easy to go on...trust in God..that's all I have to say :D
Let me take your hand and we will run this race together
With the author of life at our reign...
I must admit I was quite relieved as well...it was a great feeling, to be finally over and done with Admin...finally, longer free time on Saturdays...longer sleeping hours...and happy mornings to do homework with :D However. There was something about BB that I was definitely going to miss. Quoting Bong: "BB has become such an integral part of our lives, and suddenly it is wrenched away, it feels so sad." indeed...there will always be that sense of loss. The bonds made will continue hanging on, and being neither here nor there is always the most painful.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. beautifully said by Juliet...sigh. How can parting possibly be 'sweet' you ask? Well...i guess it's because where there's parting, there's also a chance for meeting again, and that hope to meet again will always remain sweet in our minds...The sweetness also comes in the increased knowledge of our love for one another. Absence does make the heart grow fonder after all...and we only truly appreciate what we have once we have lost it...I guess Eric would understand what I'm talking about.
Increasing laps get tougher...they require more and more stamina. Not only physically but spiritually, i pray that God will continue to renew me somehow...it's difficult to carry on serving Him...difficult but definitely not a chore...in fact it is still a joy to see people blessed and to make my Father in heaven happy as well :D. But...We can't deny that the higher up we go, the higher His expectations of us...and the more temptations we'll face, the more problems we'll face: problems of pride, of self-glorification, of mis-using gifts...sigh...it's tough
Well...It's on to the next lap now...and it's never easy to go on...trust in God..that's all I have to say :D
Let me take your hand and we will run this race together
With the author of life at our reign...
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