four paos and three pratas

'encouragement' was the word that God struck my heart with this week; and with that fateful rock-paper-scissors game between Kenneth and Chng, came my first attempt at leading a week of FireAC. well. why encouragement?

Hebrews 10:24: "Let us consider how we may spur each other on in love and good deeds"

in the past week or so, somehow, through the many ups and downs, God has shown me the importance of encouragement, of being encouraged and encouraging others in return. in the short span of a week i've been through a whole myriad of emotions and sensations - lonely realizations, persistent frustrations, ecstatic highs, self introspective silence. and well, somehow, through the thick and thin, all i needed was the knowledge from God that He was still there.

i find. that sometimes, all we do need is assurance, and love, and a listening ear; it's not so much the medicine that heals someone, but the love emanated by the person giving the medicine, administering the care and concern (:

i try too hard sometimes, to encourage. it ends up being condescending, even on the brink of pride. sometimes. and i do pray that God will change that part in me - and in all who struggle to do the same thing.

---

yes finally broke my pao fast. albeit on the wrong type of pao (hmph)

---

and there's just something strange about me -

- this strange attraction toward things, no people, people who seem lonely, quiet, and who appear to have gone through some sort of psychological battle before, some sort of embitterment towards oneself - some sort of terrible struggle. some inevitable magnetism draws one toward them, and sometimes, just can't help feeling - that one needs to be there for them, to comfort them, to give them hope, and to give them love.

maybe that was why...

but one can't do everything. only Jesus can. only Jesus knows the way to a broken heart.

so teach me Lord. teach us all.

fairytale land

someone once told me that my life at present seemed like a fairytale - for many reasons - among which the perceived high grades, the seemingly smooth-sailing spirituality, the various accolades, the many friends, the lack of relational problems and all.

but here's to say. that i really am no Snow White, no Cinderella, no Belle of the ball, no Peter Pan; because, like everyone else, i'm just another person. no pumpkins for me to ride in, no youth that lasts for an eternity (ok maybe eternal life. but...), and definitely, no prince to kiss me on the cheek (: but that being said. people have this impression that i'm living a fairytale.

maybe persuasion isn't the best method to deal with this - rather, i'd like to direct all who feel so to look at the author of my life - God, my great Father in heaven, the greatest storyteller, the one who knew everything from the beginning, who's the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I'm only as blessed as He allows so. and every blessing He gives me, i'm infinitely thankful. and i deserve none of the honor.

it's strange, i look around me, and people seem to live in regrets, live in the emotional ups and downs, live in all kinds of broken dreams and hopes - and i'm not spared from these, it just seems less so sometimes, thank God again - but sometimes, i wish i could just take all the hurt of the world, so that the people around me could all be happy, could all have their dreams come true and could all smile (: I wish i could switch out of my 'happy life' and give it to everyone else - i'd rather be the only sad one...

I oft ask God: why give a man 10 talents and another 5, why not just 7.5 each?

but i realise i'm incapable of such a noble deed. but someone has already taken the hurt of all the world - Jesus (:

meditate on that (:

to shannetta mists

no one is supposed to know the significance of this post except you my dearest dearest comrade (: but tis' just the little reply you told me not to compose. yet i persist:

-- love is a commitment, it's not a feeling, it's not that warm fuzzy sensation we get in romantic movies and such --- love is a choice. and yes, you got that right, i chose to love you (:

the rifts were always there, they were inevitable, interests aside, i guess we didn't have much in common, and there was always that same gulf that was felt - on the phone, in school, anywhere. the rifts just became more apparent. that's all. and it's ok, because the rifts sometimes make everything better (:

i'm really glad you found your niche. partially my fault for withdrawing - and i did, because 2007 brought a whole host of new problems and new struggles, and i chose to find solace in new company - but like you said, maybe it's for the better.

i just want you to know though. that no matter what. when you need a friend, i'll be there. i'll be a shoulder for you to cry on, i'll be the silent friend who patiently waits beside you when you cut the rest of the world off. at least for now - for the remaining of what's left in school.

when i said i missed you. i really meant it. because somehow one part of me regretted pulling away, as my affections and feelings were drawn toward others; i really regretted it. not just you, but many of my old pals as well. there was this day in class, i simply broke down and cried, the thunder roared outside, and i felt so lonely inside, and i was afraid -- afraid of losing all my old friends.

but i'm glad. and thank God for you still. (:

and i guess we know what will happen when we leave school; i used to think we would keep in touch forever and ever. but gradually, i guess i start to realise the reality of things - and that tells me that we will eventually lose touch, whether we like it or not - it's an inevitability that i'm not afraid to admit - but remember, that when we see each other in heaven - please give me a knowing smile? (:

who cares about rifts? we have an eternity to make up one day (:

in His love,
tim

chemistry

so you have a bottle of reactants. these would ultimately react to form ---> products (:

energetics: tells you if the reaction is spontaneous
kinetics: the rate of reaction (how fast it proceeds)
equilibrium: the point of equilibrium, or the extent of products produced

i hate to 'sciencify' things; least of all things that have nothing to do whatsoever with logic, reasoning and scientific banter; but one must always upkeep that (false) intellectual appearance, and couple it with the necessary metaphors and images. ok i half feel not like posting this anymore. but i shan't let the fingers be trigger happy, we have gone so far, so why stop now.

something has changed in the mix; perhaps the forward reaction has been faster than the backward reaction and a new equilibrium point is being achieved. the rate of reaction though, is something that should be controlled, lest like 'fire and powder, as they kiss consume'. and the energetics problem is particularly difficult - how can one determine if the forward reaction is favorable, or spontaneous from the start?

there are many questions zipping now. but we shall have to zip up carefully (ok that doesn't make sense haha); i was told, that life, life isn't about analyzing and breaking things down into small little bits and pieces to examine; life isn't about prescribing little solutions to problems; that isn't life, life is just so random, so chaotic, so unpredictable - and yet God is in control.

now finally steering away from the silly science imagery. i shall just say what needs to be said:

smile (: and there's no need to be grieved or feel bad
pray (: and God will light the way
never stray (: from God's way that is
stay (: just the way we are

and now. i shall just put a little bookmark into this little book of mine. and hmmm. don't think too much don't think too much tim >< ahaha.

who's up for some math portfolio fun? (at this point i start to crumble mentally...)

happy birthday

this shall be a brief post. to keep the blog alive.

but happy birthday. thanks to all (:

for the arctic puppy (nanook!)
for the studious dog (timotheous!)
for the rowan atkinson toy
for the two dollar notes and deflated balloons (heh...it'll return (: )
for the many notes and letters
for the monster note book (i started using it!)
for the endless amount of cake cake cake!
for the surprising cards out of nowhere (silly ding dong you)
for the revamped ashlee (: (ediitttt sorry my dear emil)

and most importantly....for just being there (: the company was all i ever wished for

and now i pray. that God will help me live a life for Him. wholeheartedly. and completely guided by Him. that is the biggest wish. ever (: thanks for staying close even when it felt like You weren't there God. it's been a tough week. but You're faithful (:

people need the Lord

everywhere i look. every corner of the school, seems to be filled with joy and yet an unspoken amount of despair, of heartbreak and of depression.

why, with every turn of the head, one comes to a table where another sits alone ands stares into blank space - hair plastered down upon his forehead, lips arched into the uncomfortable shape of a frown, and lamenting the fact that love seems such a distant thought. and yet another, bitten by betrayal, by the hurting tinge of a friend's lie, struggling to find what is real in the world.

and yet more, who live and carry on in jest, yet their final fate to be in flames and darkness. the people who live day after day not seeing and not knowing the truth. why why why. Father I pray that you will come and work mightily this friday, not for our glory, for the sake of His sacrifice. we need more prayer, more of God in these lives.

me? i've been doing fine. i guess. (: lots of blessings. lots of joy. and lots of thinking. but I do need more and more of Him. work's been piling up. but somehow. we trust Him.

people need the Lord

he knows my name (:

how often do we just sit back. and reflect. and marvel and our Saviour's great love for each one of us. sometimes i struggle with the thought - that seemingly self-centered thought, that seemingly self-important though - that if i were the only person left on earth, Christ would still come down just the same and die for me, just so that i could return to His side at the end of time. and it's not just me, it's every single one of us. dearly loved.

Psalm 8. i used to marvel at that psalm. i still do.

when i think about the heavens, the moon and all the stars, i wonder what you ever saw in me...

He knew every one of us before we were born, He formed us, He picked your eyes, your nose, your features, your skin color, your gender, and He loved every part of it, it was perfect (: perfect in His sight. He gazes down on you day after day, wanting to love you and shower you with more and more of Himself.

everyone of us. is a gift. a gift from the almighty to our friends, family...ah (:

if you haven't started feeling special. it's time to realize that you are so important to Him. but not because we're great. but because He is everything (:

bin bin speaks again

this begins with a smile (:

it's not that i don't love you, it's just the opposite, i love you so much i can't seem to let go; that once the bin's been used, it doesn't mind being used, it's happy being used, and happy seeing all who are happy using it.

it's not that i've given up on you, on the contrary, i continue to hold on, because God says that the bin shall hold on, this labor of love shall not be in vain; because God says that there must be faith, and so the bin trusts that one day everything with you will be fine; because God says the bin must continue loving. and so it does, continue loving.

it's not that i've become emo myself, but i've just been a little tired, perhaps tired of being used, of the little abuses i've had to endure and that have built up over time; it's not that i'm asking for them to stop, by all means, continue, if it helps you out, continue. bins can take it. but bins do have feelings too. and if bin finally shuts its lid, i hope you'll understand why (:

but maybe bin does feel a little lonely at times. because it seems to spend time with the lonelier individuals in school. and as these lonelier individuals find new company, and finally break free of using the bin, bin watches on in joy; true joy. but somehow bin also wonders, what happens once all the bin-users break free? will bin then be all alone?

and that's that. the lid's still open (:

ah. meanwhile. i can't stand it. the drugs the drugs. ah the withdrawal symptoms are sometimes so difficult to understand. but so lovely in themselves. so happy. so sad. yet so happy.

collide

i often wonder this. and i shall now post from part of my secret (but now not so secret) journal:

i always feel that it's so strange that I can spend an hour with the Lord in the morning, yet completely leave Him aside for the rest of the day. It's something i regret about yesterday, yet something i really need His grace to overcome. I guess it's a real learning journey, this thing about maintaining a blossoming relationship with God. it's strange yet again that I really do feel I can't live a day without Him - if I miss QT, i feel really dry and thirsty on the inside - yet the moment I hit a certain 'quota', say that one hour of QT, i seem to forget Him and not feel bad about it until the end of the day. It's terrible, perhaps it's the way the world works, that makes you forget. But Lord I want to pray that You'll help me against this forgetfulness, teach me mindfulness, teach me how to think of You 24 hours a day.

and so yes. i wonder. i wonder. and i wonder. how to give God more of each day. and it went on, the post did go on. it went to something about text messages, and how we ought to send God text messages throughout the day and receive the little replies from Him. that's the way one builds up a relationship with Him. not just a simple concentrated time.

and yet. even spurious messages do not suffice. that simple concentrated time is required. You do need special time set aside. and you DO need special attention. recently, God has impressed upon me...to be mindful of the things above, and not be too caught up with the world. it's been heard many times, but it's oft forgotten. and i'm reminding myself as much as i hope to remind all those who come by this humble blog.

and this part is for dearest emil (and anyone else distressed):
don't fret (: God will always be there. and while i'm here i'll be your little punching bag to vent your frustrations, and your free state-of-the-art pinch dispenser to give you a little reminder. and whilst your struggles seem to be exclusive to you at times, they are not (: many other ppl - including silly me - do understand (: and we're here struggling together. in love. in unity

-- and so. we need to grow closer to God together. ah i need to pray for a heart for the people again. holidays get you so distracted. pah.

crashed

when you zip too fast on the highway, sometimes all you need to do is pullover. you need to pullover to that doughnut stand by the street, pick up some tasty frosted ones, and spend a moment to be refreshed in the midst of the many evergreen trees that never seem to grow tired. you on the other hand, are filled with emptiness, fatigued, and simply need a break. stop speeding, lest you come crashing into the side lane.

spending too much time on the road, stepping too hard on the gas pedal, sometimes has it's repercussions, or so you finally realize. and the great God who created the world just tells you that you need a kit-kat, and you pullover at the petrol station - though the gas prices have gone up quite a bit - and do just that. the car's a gas-guzzler. you need a refill - don't want to burnout now do we?

and you begin to wonder why you've needed this break. what has demanded that gas from you all this past week that you've just gone at full speed and missed out on the many sights and sounds of nature. ah you start to think too much, and indulge in regret and nostalgia. and you start to wonder if spending all that time was worthwhile - the visit to the zoo, the visit to that play, the visit to all the little nitty gritty of th world. when all you needed was some rest.

but the great thing is. that God's been there in the backseat of your car all along, comforting and smiling at you all the way. but now it's time - for you, and me for that matter - to pass Him the keys and let Him take the wheel.

tears

agonize. i pray that God teach us how to agonize for those who are unsaved. how to simply cry out for them. and that morning in the lt, during REW followup for the lower sec, i remembered those little crystal orbs streaming down, sparingly, but still enough - enough to feel the pain and agony of Jesus, enough to let me know that God is real.

tears again. onion peeling makes tearing inevitable. but why do we go on peeling sometimes? it puzzles me. maybe there's some happiness in it all - and that's tears too. hope the onion got a pleasant surprise from all today - to know that onions are dearly loved....the gardener and all (: yes yes. and the many layers. one day (: haha ok. i think i'm talking nonsense again.

been reminded time and again. that tears aren't always bad. happy and sad. just like life. just part and parcel of that journey called life.

when one is loved. one just lets the tap loose. drenched in joyful tears.

beginnings

and before we set off. i stumbled upon this little convo history in one of my rare escapades to the msn convo past. and i realised. that was how it began. haha. we've grown much, each and every one of us. and now i present the abridged version of something that conspired about a year back (it's been a year a year!) the people here are fab, kenneth and myself. go figure (:

Session Start: Monday, July 17, 2006

[10:25:07 PM] - [Fяфsт′] : Tell Tim about your revival thing
[10:25:14 PM] [kae-eee-ann: blah
[10:25:15 PM] [kae-eee-ann: ZZZ
[10:25:27 PM] |||LimClaNst: and ya kenneth you could tells me
[10:25:29 PM] [kae-eee-ann: can you send him the convo history
[10:25:34 PM] [kae-eee-ann: zzzzz
[10:25:41 PM] - [Fяфsт′] : Bleh you shouldn't tire of saying it
[10:25:44 PM] - [Fяфsт′] : If you're serious about it
[10:25:51 PM] [kae-eee-ann: NICE MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY AGAIN
[10:26:58 PM] [kae-eee-ann: like on sunday morning, i suddenly thought of something. mr charles ng and many other have mentioned like time and again that we're all on earth for a purpose
[10:27:05 PM] |||LimClaNst: mhm
[10:27:25 PM] [kae-eee-ann: and on sunday morning, while i was still at my friend's bdae party, i realised another side to it
[10:27:45 PM] [kae-eee-ann: God placed us where we are like the specific location for eg. in our class, for a specific purpose.
[10:27:53 PM] |||LimClaNst: mhm
[10:27:58 PM] [kae-eee-ann: and whatohwhat is that purpose? which couldnt have been accomplished anyplace else
[10:28:09 PM] [kae-eee-ann: think abt that, and correct me if im wrong
[10:28:25 PM] |||LimClaNst: incidentally i've thought bout that b4 :D
[10:28:46 PM] - [Fяфsт′] : I thought about it last year also
[10:28:54 PM] - [Fяфsт′] : Exact same words as Kenneth
[10:28:20 PM] [kae-eee-ann: anyway. here's the spooky part
[10:28:24 PM] [kae-eee-ann: at night
[10:28:28 PM] [kae-eee-ann: when i went to church
[10:28:43 PM] [kae-eee-ann: God kinda spok.e to me
[10:28:44 PM] |||LimClaNst: AHHHHHH spoooooky
[10:29:02 PM] [kae-eee-ann: and what He told me, or at least what i THINK He told me
[10:29:07 PM] [kae-eee-ann: is scary
[10:29:09 PM] [kae-eee-ann: its what mr ng has always been saying
[10:29:17 PM] |||LimClaNst: scary?
[10:29:21 PM] [kae-eee-ann: but im like "ah whatever someone else is alr doing it"
[10:29:27 PM] [kae-eee-ann: God wants a revival
[10:29:33 PM] [kae-eee-ann: dadumdadum. *drum roll*
[10:29:35 PM] |||LimClaNst: yes and ?
[10:29:37 PM] [kae-eee-ann: and im like WTHH
[10:29:40 PM] [kae-eee-ann: WHY TELL ME
[10:29:43 PM] [kae-eee-ann: what can poor ol kenneth do
[10:29:46 PM] |||LimClaNst: what do you think
[10:29:50 PM] - [Fяфsт′] : Good wake up calls I should think
[10:29:51 PM] [kae-eee-ann: so basically i want to ask for your helps. pray pray and ask whether He really wants us to do this
[10:29:54 PM] [kae-eee-ann: cos apparently thats the yr5's mission too
[10:29:59 PM] [kae-eee-ann: and if you get the same signal
[10:30:00 PM] - [Fяфsт′] : Reminding us we are here for a purpose
[10:30:01 PM] [kae-eee-ann: HELP ME
[10:30:04 PM] |||LimClaNst: I can do all things through Christ who
strengthens me
[10:30:06 PM] [kae-eee-ann: HELPHELPHELP
[10:30:14 PM] |||LimClaNst: no problem kenneth
[10:30:14 PM] [kae-eee-ann: i dont know if the revival is in our individual classes, cos i was pondering abt why he placed us there earlier in the day
[10:30:19 PM] [kae-eee-ann: or whether its in BB, which YEAH we're all on our way (hopefully)
[10:30:19 PM] |||LimClaNst: your concerns are ours
[10:30:22 PM] [kae-eee-ann: or whether its in the whole acs
[10:30:28 PM] [kae-eee-ann: in which case i'll be :-O

...

and it ended like this haha

[10:52:52 PM] [kae-eee-ann: BOBOBOBOB
[10:52:53 PM] |||LimClaNst: bye all
[10:52:56 PM] [kae-eee-ann: the builder

oh well. Lord guide us I pray.

underground operation

(before this starts to sound like some jihad terrorist organization rally message, let us clarify that it is not)

as Christians we live in an upside down kingdom, ruled by the greatest and only King of the universe, but nevertheless it is a kingdom ruled in love, and ruled by morals unheard of to the world: while one takes revenge in the world, another turns the other cheek in the upside down kingdom; while one strives to store up riches, the other forsakes all for the call;

i besiege all belonging to this upside down kingdom today - to remember your citizenship!

start to hold the fort. we're in an underground operation here. persecuted but not completely struck down; hard-pressed on all sides but not giving in; perhaps some of us have not realized the extent of the battle - that ongoing war between the principalities of light and darkness, the fighting going on on the spiritual battlefield - but it is happening, even as we walk to school, partake of the fellowship during recess - it is happening.

and get this. it appears at times, that we are fighting a losing battle. in the light of the happenings of this world, it seems that us, underground operations, will never see the light of day. Yet there is one, one comforting word, that we must all remember. the great commander, whilst He was here beside us said those few words:

"But take heart, for I have already overcome the world!"

and here we are, just occupying the land for this little moment, trying at best to bring others to follow us on the cause, to convince others of the truth of the message, to build up the Lord's army. Have we forgotten the sacrifice He made for us - that life which he gave for us to guarantee us the victory? that moment, when he passed on, and when He returned with the promise, was the moment that we knew, that the battle was already won (:

still. this is not a reason to rest on our laurels. we must continue to be filled with passion for the cause, and be creative in the methods of defence, offence; infiltration of enemy ground - for all those he has taken hostage, we need to steal them back from under His nose.

first. be convicted of the cause.
second. direct the conviction in creative means
third. pray. and rely on the strength of our Grand Commander.

yes pray. because in our base. there are a group of prayer warriors, who fight not physically but call upon the name of our Grand Commander, to cry out to Him for grace and mercy to aid us in the cause. and the best part - He is always listening, always ready to help - and His angels guard us, His army stands before us. and we have Nothing To Fear. absolutely.

so why wait. let's go out. and do this for His glory.

that the Lord may receive the reward for His grand sacrifice on the cross!!

Flame On!

learning to rest

when Mary and Martha met Jesus, Martha was busy making preparations in the house, but Mary chose to sit at the feet of Jesus, and simply listen to Him, to talk to Him, to learn about Him and to simply stare in amazement at him. so often we too are carried away by the many tasks of life - me included - that crowd out our minds and steal away the time that we ought to give to our Saviour. He's just right beside us, but have we given Him notice? He tells us to cast our cares upon Him. and to rest in Him

The Lord's Day, the Christian's day of rest, of the same significance that the Sabbath has to the Jews, is a day to rest. not just a rest in the fantasy world of the computer, or the rest in the comfort of a warm bed, but a holy rest. it is a sacred time for God, an appreciation of God, a time of worship and meditation on Him. time indeed is sacred, shouldn't we apportion a part of it back to the one who gave it to us?

a special day, set aside, not to a point of complete cessation of work - that would be unthinkable in today's hurried life - but to a point where we are consciously reminding ourselves to be mindful of God and sensitive to His voice. sure, everyday should be a day unto the Lord as such, but if everyday were the same, chances are we would simply forget again. the Lord's Day, Sunday, is a special day, set aside to remember God.

it too is an act of faith, when we stop work and realize that it is God who still keeps the world spinning and in motion, nothing to do with our own efforts. God upholds the world, and we trust Him to do so, but setting aside our work and going to Him (:

and that's that. rest in Him. and discover His love and power again. discover the power of His voice and word. and glorify Him in everything (:

heart, mind and soul

when one is led only by the mind - distracted by endless planning, worrying over trivialities, organization and getting structures into place - one finds that there will always be a scarce amount of energy, and our passion, or the construct of it, is easily depleted and difficult to replenish. perhaps for too long our focus has been on the themes, the frameworks, the spiritual technology, that we may have lost sight of the initial purpose of us being here in FireAC. why, a true timely reminder, that it is high time we searched and prayed to rediscover our hearts.

and in all of us, there is a heart - much like the carebears i am tempted to mention, ahhh to much (unhealthy? no rather..strange) influences - but there is a heart, and one that we need to pray that God will help us to discover and unleash. many a time, it is only when we are fully convicted, and not merely convinced of the cause, that God can really start to move through each and every one of us. on a personal note, tim has had a rather fluctuating passion, ups and downs of the sine curve of emotion, and has struggled to keep the flame alive. tim wonders, if there is indeed that true conviction in his heart, but he prays for it, tries to, though sometimes he might not feel like it.

and we need to seek enlightenment; of our purpose in this school. was FireAC merely the product of a group of people who decided to band together and be (for lack of better word) funny? or was it truly, and sincerely, a group that was called by God to glorify Him through evangelism, through love, through service to the school? Do we really feel empowered by the Holy spirit to do His work? or do we live day by day discouraged and feeling defeated, our efforts and seed-planting all in vain? high time we ask ourselves.

and we need to pray like never before. that God will instill that passion in our hearts. beyond the work, beyond the distractions, we need to look at God and say - that we want Him to be glorified! and definitely, through this, there will be infinite joy, and men will certainly be satisfied in God (:

so seek the fire. seek the heart. seek the conviction once again.

send revival. start with me.

not to us, but to You be the glory

this word glory, has been stuck in the head for the past few days - it seems increasingly that God wants us to make His glory our foremost concern, and nothing else. In whatever we do to truly mean it when we say 'to God be the glory!', to never glory-bask, to give back everything to our Father in heaven. wow. and i just pray that He'll reveal that glory to us, and I think He will lift us, and exalt us, but only that His name may be exalted - and we cannot forget that.

I think youth day was too free. and i penned yet another song, this time based on a passage from Psalms 1

Psalm 115

1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.

To Him be the glory, we are all weak, and need His strength. whatever we do must be God-empowered. The lyrics below. but for the moment i shall not torment all with another song (:

Verse 1
Not to us, O Lord, Not to us
But to You be the glory
Not to us, O Lord, Not to us
But to You be the glory

Pre-Chorus
For You are worthy
Of honor and glory and praise
And we give You Lord
Endless adoration

Chorus
We want to see You
High and lifted up over all the earth
We want to see
The people turn their hearts to praise You
We want to see You
Seated on the throne of glory
Because of Your great love
We will praise You Lord

Verse 2
Blessed be the name, blessed be
The holy name of God
Blessed be the name, blessed be
The holy name of God


God Bless all (:

the fountain of youth

as we emerge from the little prickly shrubs, we shrug off the branches that attempt to catch onto our khaki colored shirts and pull us back from the destination; there in the distance, where fluffy clouds hover over, where a light drizzle finds sweet fellowship with thin rays of sunshine, lies our destination, it is a marvelously intricate piece of artwork, every curve designed with mastery, and it stands out in grand finesse among the patchy grass, a marble figure, glistening in the light - the fountain of youth.

of course we approach it slowly, suppressing the inner excitement that so bubbles from within, there is apprehension - could this be the legend fulfilled, was it all a hoax a myth? - but there ahead, it was cast in stone, more real than ever, and the treasure of youth leaped in streams of water from one end to another. it was for real. and we continue the approach, taking wary steps as we go.

finally, excitement boils over, and we both lunge forward for the coveted prize - that of eternal youth - and what a better day to find it.

had we not promised to go in together? why now were we tugging at each other's shirts, competing for the fountain? had desire blinded us, our eyes focused on the rushing water, forgetting the other who yearned the same. with a grand leap, you managed to make it there first, and i was left clutching at the air.

but suddenly we realize, the foolery of it all. what was eternal youth? what was peter pan's dream. even as you drank and i watched in envy. we realized that the gift of eternal life had already been given, freely, by the sacrifice of a lamb - the sacrifice of this man Jesus Christ.

Celebrate youth today. i'm going to miss the joys and the sadness, the fun and the trials. but don't forget to remember the Creator, all the days of your youth (:

(looking back at this post, i don't think it really made much sense, but i was simply trying to exercise some brain muscle, or maybe just escaping from the work that so demands my attention. ah that's me again.)

fippo abduction

sitting alone in front of the computer. typing again. on this hot afternoon - reminiscent of the many many in ChongQing - without dear cheesy by my side (yes John Tay you better return her quick quick). days have gone by like a flash - after many days of wah chee lunches, cramming studies into this little mind of mine, taking time out to spend with friends, countless hours in the quiet zone of the NUS library - finally there is time to take stock again.

what amazes me is how quickly we forget our heavenly existence sometimes. yesterday i just sat down after a long day of studies and worry - and i pondered. pondered. pondered. and pondering culminates in the realization that we need to spend more time with God - we are really not home yet. I recall an old song by Christian rock band Petra that went something like this:

we are pilgrims, in a strange land
we are so far, from our homeland
with each passing day it seems so clear
this world will never want us here
we're not welcome in this world of wrong
we are foreigners who don't belong

we are strangers, we are aliens
we are not of this world

we are envoys, we must tarry
with this message we must carry
there's so much to do before we leave
with so many more who may believe
our mission can never fail
and the gates of hell will not prevail!

we are strangers, we are aliens
we are not of this world

Jesus told us men would hate us
but we must be of good cheer
He has overcome this world of darkness
soon we will depart from here

so far from our homeland. yet sometimes i realize how easily we get caught up with the things of this world - how we start planning for our futures that are so distant, how we start speculating the events of years to come (and perhaps even tomorrow), how we take for granted the existence of tomorrow; how we worry and get anxious about things that won't happen any time sooner.

and we get satisfied with the world so easily - happy with the many things around us - that we forget that there's still so much to do. we are envoys, we must carry the message of Christ to those around us! urgently! urgently! i think, the danger is settling for satisfaction.

and yesterday i knelt and realized that i had done quite little (nothing perhaps) that was eternally significant in a long while.

maybe it was the lack of opportunity; but perhaps i had not prayed hard enough for opportunity.

sigh. i tried. the email to ChongQing couldn't make it ):

pray for more passion. more urgency. set our minds on things above (:

we are not home yet friends.

to those in the dumps

just finished a cup of mcgee mee (yum, economics is always yummy, and dinner had to be brief given scarce amount of resources); another day at home, needless to say i (in the words of xl) ditched my fellow primers/S2s today for the studious pursuits. sigh. i can't say i don't feel bad, but i have learned to say no, simply because not doing so would hurt oneself sometimes. BB debrief today was also short, and i finally got the econs textbook (usefulness is questionable though) - with no sneaky two dollar notes (:

and this post is for all those (and they're all around) sitting on that pile of rubbish, down in the dumps, and searching for a way out. maybe it seems this comes from a higher vantage point, but well, don't take it that way. hey we all have our sine curves on this ride of life, maybe we're just on the wrong side of it now. but like all periodic trigonometrical curves, we'll get to the peaks one day.

it seems now. that nothing seems to work out. you can't seem to just leave it all behind. maybe it comes back to haunt you - in some incessant dream, some figure you meet every day, some figment of your imagination - but you really, really have to leave it behind. and pass it on to Jesus. maybe it was a regretful decision, but what's there to do now? just learn from the past, and ask God for wisdom to lead you on in the future. carry on now. carry on.

we all go through struggles. we all fall. but the difference comes with our reaction to that fall. are we going to sit and wait for the apple to fall on our head? or are we going to pick ourselves up and run on - ok not pick ourselves up, but trust God to give us that strength to do so.

some ask why such things happen. why does God make Christianity difficult? why does God allow for trials? remember that encouragement from the bible, James even opens his letter with this admonishment:

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

yup. that's it. trials are meant to shape us and harden us and teach us lessons. God doesn't want to torment us, in fact it hurts Him to see us hurt. but He loves us, and longs to bring us closer to Him, and what better way - yes though this is arguable - than through the testing of our faith. to realize that we need to draw closer to Him, that we are weak and He is so very strong!

(maybe this all sounds all too familiar. but it's the truth. just meditate upon it, and it becomes clear!)

Trust and obey my friends. there's no other way. to be happy in Jesus (:

and true joy comes from knowing that we're living in God's way. remember that. and rejoice through the happy and the sad.

and remember this. for when I'm sad....i'll need a reminder too (:

okazaki fragments

work has taken its toll on me. need to go out for a walk.

a walk in the park perhaps. but the sun's a tad bit too hot. could someone get the air-conditioner working around here please? Singapore's on perpetual heater status, and the sun never seems to go down. home's our refuge from the sun. but home too is a chicken coop. and i'm starting to feel - claustrophobic.

need to get out. to where the woods are. a walk in the woods. the yellow paths that diverge, the leaves that carpet the loamy soil, the birds that tweet and chirp in one accord, and the acorns that descend with every advancing step. need to get away to some place like that. where powdery snowflakes would bring relief to this overheated mind of mine. but for now, marshmallows suffice. somehow.

the only canned soup nearby - for the boost of energy - is one sinisterly known as 'campbell'. except opening it yields no reward, no comfort, no mushroom delightful surprise, just words upon words of campbell (and reese) and biology. pooey. you never thought tim could make a fuss over work. i don't make much sense when i'm tired i guess.

whatever happened to those serious contemplative posts? maybe when i have more free time. maybe. for now. it's just this messy state of affairs. need to get a bath. maybe. it's too hot.

and next. for chemistry. bon voyage. to (sum to infinity) and beyond!

maybe just maybe. what we all need now. is some true bonding. we all need to breathe. remember our true function in life. time is scarce. make the most of it i guess. and spend time with God please. all of you.