Soul Stealer

"Can you talk about something else rather than schoolwork?"

And schoolwork drained me - I did go blind.
Recalling the distant days,
(had it been that far behind?)
When hope-filled hearts,
Melted icy corridors;
And passions echoed
Upward - through the IB floors

well. let's pray. and pray like never before.
a quote from Alistair: "Satan laughs at human wisdom...but trembles when we pray"
let's awake our first love.
let's rekindle the first fire.
and let's love Jesus again.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

-=Somewhere Over the Rainbow=-

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

...

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

Dreams - that subconscious realm within every one of us - perhaps the window into our truest desires, our thoughts, our feelings, our experiences. I can't remember many dreams, but those that I have, I treasure up and relieve over and over. Good dreams. Thank God I have lots of them. Some too good to be true, some too absurd to be taken seriously, some so close yet so far.

And they used to torment me - nightmares - the supernatural - but I prayed - and God took care of me. Oh those times of innocent faith, simple childlikeness, bring me back again Lord. Help me relieve those days when every night a little child would come to you pleading for you to intervene in his dreams. When he would pray that you would guard the doors to his mind, fighting the evil ones off with the sword and shield - O the days when he saw you so mighty, so great, like a warrior prepared for battle.

And I recall that old lady, with her hand strumming away at the guitar, striking the guitar with a frail thump of her knuckles, every rattle, every repetition - a painful reminder of her state of mind. She strummed helplessly, when I held back, she beckoned again, I looked into her writhing eyes, smiled, and wanted to help, but only God could save a broken life.

And the songs, and the guitar, and the simple tunes to our Lord, echoing through the nursing home, bringing cheer - hopefully filling the empty hearts. There was joy, but it was coupled by a hollow sense of sorrow as well. I for one had the honor to sing, to smile, O Lord restore to me joy again.

And in the darkness of the night, stumbling upon a soul that had lost all faith, I tried to rekindle, I tried to help him reconsider, I prayed for him, but the call ended with a rushed exit - with that boys' parents fuming in the background. I pray God will open his heart, I pray God will open our hearts, I pray that God will come and live in everyone once again. He said his prayers were unanswered - and lost faith. O Lord, answer him please.

And me, recently, lost and not knowing where to go. Haven't heard God clearly for a long time, and still here on the computer lamenting this apparently lostness. You bad boy, go spend more time with your Father, He wants to speak to you, and here you are, distracted by the things of life, captivated by the gifts rather than the giver, not knowing how to delight in Him, not knowing what He's saying...why? I wish to be back with you again Father - not only back, but closer than before...

Dreams hardly come true though. But we always wish they did....sigh.

Art Class Inspiration

And so on a brilliant Thursday, during a delightful hour twenty recess, two of us headed down to a rather precarious pack of Year Ones, engrossed in some rather profound negative space drawing. We hesitated for a moment - there was an urge to do something eternal - but was that it? We inched forward little by little, exchanging (customary) pats of assurance that it would be fine, eventually, John Tay made the first move to a young chap named Edison.

Edison craned his neck while he sketched the tree that stood in the middle of the two IB buildings, squinting, erasing, making superficial sketches - finally we struck up a conversation - he was a Buddhist, though not a staunch one, and John immediately saw the crack, the opening, and entered. I tried to tag along, but it wasn't long before two boys a distance away beckoned me with a wave of their pencils and stationery.

Quite surprised by their openness to us strangers, I skipped forward and asked what the matter was - this was met by a rather stumping question - not one one would expect from a Year One. What was an _____ (fill the blanks people)? Sensing the need to urge the Year Ones to more pure thoughts and more holy lives, I went into a conversation with Matthias and Louis.

It was quite fruitful, and many times I told them to be more serious in their faith - they even joked about not being Christian! At the end, there was a short prayer, and I pray that God touched their hearts that day - and led them to more godly lives :)

And it's simple things like these, pretty freaky and scary, but opportunities must be seized. Do look out for them, and do take them, and enjoy the warm feeling of having been used by God at the end of it :) God Bless all.

Love

You're my brother so together
Now take me by the hand
Together we will work until He comes again
There's no foe that can defeat us
When we're walking side by side
As long as there is Love
We will Stand.

I love you still. I love you all still. I just wished I knew what to do. I just wished I knew how to be joyful once again. I just wished that God would tell me what to do. Why have I landed in such a position. Oh why?

Ghost Rider

In retrospect, it got me thinking when we were chased out of the MRT station, while everyone was still in a half-state of sleep, trying to worship God in the morning - so much for worshiping in a public place.

In retrospect, it got me thinking when Fab left us on the wooden deck in VivoCity - I squatted in a corner with my guitar (in the classic 'emo pose') and thought. Perhaps it was too Pharisee-tical? Perhaps it was for show? What was it? And expectedly, I must say that it felt hard to worship this morning - strangely difficult - maybe God was telling us something.

And whilst in this pseudo state of reflection, I was immediately tossed into a dark cinema - watching scenes of Johnny transforming into burning skull and innocent victims being de-souled. It wasn't that bad a movie - but I was never a good critic - so don't take my word for it.

And yet again I was made fun of - my picture was broadcast - my soft spots were prodded. It wasn't painful - it was just strange - well at least it wasn't painful - I'm over those times. One day you'll all know - then you'll all understand....

meanwhile. How can I get deeper in love with God? How oh how? where is that crush?

(Happy) Chinese New Year

I've told some before, Chinese New Year is no season of true festive joy - for me it's quite a season of pain - and possibly regret. In the midst of tidbits, hong baos and endless delights, there remains one void yet to be filled - there remains relational gaps, and lost souls - sigh.

Countless Chinese New Years have gone and past, collecting money just seems more and more meaningless every year - well I even had to be forced to count my money - faceless relatives, and so many people we can't even recognize, shaking unfamiliar hands, and putting on (false) smiles. I'm afraid I'm getting horribly disillusioned.

It's painful to see people you know you ought to be close to - but just aren't - it's equally painful to see relatives who haven't been saved yet - because we haven't done our part - what to do what to do?

And I try. I do try. But another CNY goes past - what have we done this year?

Come And Heal Our Land

And by Kenneth's request, I decided to sing the song and record it. I thought my voice was really bad, people really have low standards when they say I sing well. Enjoy the guitar (not the voice...). And well, get the rough tune :) Chords are available through special request :) or you could try to decipher your own chords.

-=Come and Heal our Land=-

And by special special request: with harmony from Verse 2 onward...forgive the loud clicks. It's strange hearing two of me sing...

Come And Heal our Land (with harmony)

Verse 1
Here we are Lord, waiting for your Holy Spirit
Here we are Lord, waiting for your Holy Fire
We have lost our first love, Lord have mercy on us all
Fill us again -

Chorus
Hear us when we cry out
Come and heal our Land
Forgive us of our sins and
Live in us again!

Verse 2
Create in us a clean heart, as we turn to seek Your face
Create in us a clean heart, please don't cast us from your presence
One thing we desire Lord, to dwell in your holy place forever
Take us again -


And I thought to balance the horrible singing, I'll post a recent composition, composed at the height of many problems people were facing and such. Titled 'Break Up'.

-=Break Up=-

right. God Bless all for the CNY weekend ahead :) have a delightful time :)

On a side note, the links for 'Shanghai Memories', 'Journey to Light' and 'Impromptu Goodbye' have been fixed. Enjoy :)

Six Weird Things About Me

like you guys already don't know :)
And by the way, I choose to end the chain here, I shall not tag anymore victims. Maybe my charity shall be rewarded :P

THE RULES:

Each player of this game starts with the ‘6 weird things about you.’ People who get tagged need to write a post of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

6 weird things about me:

1. I don't eat chocolate - no - brown stuff is bad - an idiosyncrasy if you ask me.
   
2. Irrational fear of lightning and thunder - camera flashes can take me off guard
   
3. Well (my friends think) I love to roll up those sleeves
   
4. I have a pet hippo whose yellow and wears a red ribbon - go figure
   
5. I needed a tray to contain all my academic awards. The presenter had to take a breath in between announcing the awards I won.
   
6. I had to choose these six things from a long list of weird things. :)
   

2 Chronicles 7:14

Verse 1
Here we are Lord, waiting for your Holy Spirit
Here we are Lord, waiting for your Holy Fire
We have lost our first love, Lord have mercy on us all
Fill us again -

Chorus
Hear us when we cry out
Come and heal our Land
Forgive us of our sins and
Live in us again!

Verse 1
Create in us a clean heart, as we turn to seek Your face
Create in us a clean heart, please don't cast us from your presence
One thing we desire Lord, to dwell in your holy place forever
Take us again -

This short song was penned not too long ago, in an Admin Room not too far away. I had been feeling down, feeling defeated by the world, and I did lose my first love, did stray away from God. But God reminded me to delight in Him, and to enjoy Him only. And so I did, I wanted to get right with God again. I'm always reminded by the beautiful verses from which the inspiration for this song was taken from. Psalms 51, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Revelations 2, and more.

FireAC, time to move, time to get back on track, and start living for God again. The work piles on, but I will keep my sight on God.

P.S Sean. I will try to get that '6 weird things about me' post done, once I'm done picking the 6 items from my infinitely long list :P

V-Day!

"As the Father has loved me.
So I have loved You.
Now Remain in my love." - John 15:9

Abide in Him my fellow brothers and sisters. On this day let us remember the most faithful and most sincere love ever. Human love might have its shortcomings, but God's love is perfect. There's no greater love than His.

It's been a lonely Valentine's day, I've not partner to speak of. But we all have God, and He's waiting for us, already prepared a rose for us, have you answered the door?

Crushes

Valentine's Day draws near. Agape week draws closer, and the air of romance thickens. But for us bounded by the two grand red tapes of Primers, it will be yet another lonely night.

Many of us have felt it - a crush - many of us have gone beyond it as well. Inexplainable joy, incomprehensible passion wells from within. There's a pressing desire to always be in touch with that person, 一日不见如三秋 (a day apart is like three autumns apart). It's a beautiful feeling, and somewhere before I've posted something about crushes. But recently, it's been returning to me - this feeling of being struck by Cupid's arrow.

The new sense of purpose, the new source of joy, the new heightened sense of emotion and gratitude for every opportunity to be together. Refreshing and unforgettable. But can it go beyond that.

Now before Mr Charles Ng starts calling me up and lecturing me - and before people start to suspect something - I'm not hooked onto anyone.

It's just this crush - this want to pursue something with all our heart, mind, soul and strength - it's something I want to experience again - something I want to embrace again. To be loved and to love again!

Oh Lord - give me a crush on you! That you be the only thing that fills my mind, and occupies my every thought, the only person I want to get to know intimately, the sole purpose of my being! How about a date on Valentines'? :)

Announcement

Bureaucracy failed us today. Perhaps there was some reason as to why the announcement wasn't made, some reason that only God knows. But for half an hour I stood there like a fool, pleaded for the chance to make the announcement - hoped in the Lord - on the brink of tears. I thought it was all over. Something was salvaged, trust that God will do great wonders I guess.

You give and take away Lord. These first two months have been a blast, many new friends, many new relationships forged - there's so much joy, so much love - and it's going to be sunny skies ahead (of course, the occasional clouds and storms of life will come - but the sun will always rise again!) -- But there's always a feeling of forbearing, people might have to go, people might not be able to stay, God's plan might not always be in tune with our desires.

To those collecting O Level results tomorrow - be satisfied and give thanks in the Lord - follow His direction for you wherever it may be! Love all of you guys!

meanwhile, I keep praying, keep praying that every moment I can be touched by the Lord. And I keep praying that God will show to all our friends who have yet to believe - show them that God-shaped vacuum, show them that existential paradox and hunger, to create a need - and lead them to him.

Time Flies When You're

Having fun. It's been a long time since I've made a non-philosophical-cum-non-Christian post. And I suppose it's always good to take a break from being serious - lest people start thinking that I have no life except to think. Picking up the habit from Fab - I guess I should blog a little about school life - for the sake of memories, and for the sake of reminding myself of the little blessings God has given me :)

5 weeks of school have simply flashed by. 3 weeks of being in 5.12 have also flashed by. the class is really starting to warm up to one another. But feelings of imminent sadness already start to overwhelm me - time flies - and nothing can mock the steady ticking of the clock. The days fly by, and soon we'll all go our separate ways again. But nonetheless, friendships have been forged, and I'm simply overjoyed.

Cheers to the Bio-Math-Chem gang! Deon, Eve, Maye, Sankaran, WingHing (Sam Lee?), Merv and Chen Min! You guys have been a great source of laughter, of blessing in these first few weeks. May God nourish this relationships and help us all grow closer to one another! Not forgetting the rest of the class - little chance to mix around with you guys - but I'll sieze every opportunity! and of course...there's the upcoming WOW.

BB has also been a blast (awesome alliteration there (:) - even though the stress load has been piling up...perhaps it's the reunion of Year 4s, perhaps it's the new female company (chris, audrey, tess, mk), perhaps it's the whole fired up spirituality of it all. This year has so much more in store!!! Thank God. Thank God.

O's results are coming. A reminder to weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice

But meanwhile - Chinese A2 was probably a choice God made for me - else I wouldn't be in a non-intact class - else the company would have been different. Just think, each of of us is so special, and we're put where we are for a special purpose. wonderful!

and I end off on this rather 'high' note. and leave these 3 puzzling questions (cheers Maye!):

1) What is a dictyosome?
2) What are the factors of 1517? (not 1 or 1517)
3) How does one pronounce 'allele'?

Under the Juniper Tree

Under the juniper tree was where Elijah sat, after receiving news of an edict issued by the Queen of Israel - Jezebel - to have him captured and killed. He fled to Beersheba, left his servant behind, and traveled into the wilderness, where he found a juniper tree, sat, and lamented.

a juniper tree only has enough shade for one person

And Elijah sat alone - depressed - asked God to take his life - pitied himself - asked God why he was the only one left. Depressed (or more recently known as Emo). As we move out this week, there will be much joy, but there will also be many times that we will stumble, that we will be discouraged, that we might sink into depression. And this post - is to encourage those who are discouraged - maybe even to preserve some wise words for a future me.

We sink into depression -
we're not thinking straight
we're isolating ourselves from sources of encouragement
we're pitying ourselves

I've been depressed before. Moments when I've crouched in the corner of the room, cried and wept over my own suffering - perhaps thinking that God would be pleased with such depression, with such desperation. Perhaps even thinking that God was punishing me with depression. Perhaps thinking that only God's divine intervention could remove my depression.

But watch it. Meditating on depressing thoughts is a pitfall. watch it my friends.

When the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future!

When you're depressed, remember this - God still cares. God still provides. When Elijah was depressed, God sent an angel to give him food, and God gave him physical rest. God spoke not in the furious wind, or the trembling earthquake, or the blistering fire -

God spoke in the gentle breeze.

"What are you doing there Elijah?"

When you're done. Remember your best friend - Jesus. And hear his voice calling out

"What are you doing there?"

not in anger, but as a sincere and concern friend.

Great Joy

I fondly remember one of Mr Charles Ng's most profound - yet essentially simple - quotes:

"Man is most satisfied when God is most glorified
God is most glorified, when man is most satisfied in Him"

With work piling in at unspeakable rates - with so many dreams and wishes to be fulfilled - with so many worries on hand - it can be tough to focus on God. In open confession - I have woken up in the mornings several times this week - only to say Amen to God then. Fallen asleep: how ironic for the person who spoke to FireAC about QT.

To put aside our other desires, to realize that nothing can satisfy us except the living water of God, is what we must do. Sin and earthly things bring instantaneous pleasure - sadly, many are led astray in this vain pursuit - but sin is can be compared to borrowing from a 'pleasure bank', and - alas - with a stunning interest rate! I admit - once I succumbed to sin - but now we have to hate it - simply because our Father hates it!

Enjoying God is something we should all learn to do, something which I am still trying to find. The Psalmist prayer: "One thing I desire, that is to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to meditate upon His perfection..." Perhaps we have yet to truly truly understand the pleasure of knowing God. He must be our joy, our everything, and that's a tough calling.

Knowing You Jesus, knowing You, there is no greater thing.

I was so encouraged by Alex's testimony last Friday, though it was the second time it had graced my ears. What rejuvenation and joy it brought to the parched soul. Sneaking a peek at those who had raised their hands in confession - what great restoration that day! Dragging out our closet sins - what strength from God that must require! As for me, I'll wait, till the day God shows me when to say it all.

Whiteboard frenzy with John Tay - shameless advertisement of the FireAC cause. Many people rejected it and responded with a quick swish of the duster - but (to Mr Charles Ng's amusement), we simply dusted off our sandals. Sigh. It's so hard to love in a world that rejects the truth.

Open the blind eyes, unlock the deaf ears, come to your people, as we draw near. (then perhaps it is our ears that need some loosening up as well...)

I've been getting so many lamb images - perhaps I shall post on the FireAC blog then :)

Laika's Farewell

Another day when the mind is dry of worthy posting material. Perhaps work has numbed it all, as I post this I read of an iron curtain draped across Europe in the 1900s - am uncertain of the uncertainties in Chem practical - and simply dazzled by Confucius, Mensius, name them all please.

But music calms the soul. And a good tune now and then serves that purpose. This dosage is not for the active - it's for the slow, the sleepy, and the spaced-out.

Laika was the first dog sent to space, and did she return? oh tragedy. and so here it is. a little draggy, but I loved it much:

Laika's Farewell