Just wanted to post about Christian living.

It's a tough thing. It's like being a stretched rubberband. On one end you have God and His great love for you, on the other end there's sin calling out to you. Free will was given to God for our good, for our individuality, yet free will has led to so much pain in everyone's, including my, life. Somehow, the choice is so obvious, walk with Jesus! Walk in the light! isn't it obvious? who wants to be in the darkness? Yet we are so constantly drawn back into the darkness from which we had previously come from. I for one can testify to that.

Once we know Christ, we walk in the light, yet while walking i guess we always will get our feet dirty, and we need to get those feet cleansed by God now and then. I've got my feet so horribly dirty, i've played in the mud, sorry Lord, please forgive me. It's so hard not to go back to the mud. How can we keep going back to sin when it's so replusive and ugly. Sin is like toilet water, sinning is like kissing or drinking this repugnant stuff. So why do we keep on sinning?

It's funny how i can be so close to God one moment and so distant the next. today i felt so distant. I sometimes question my relationship with God. I think it's stagnating, it's not growing anymore, it's just stalling, what does it take to move on? is it my holding on to something i shouldn't be holding on to? ahhhhh it's so confusing. I'm feeling so hypocritical, so lousy and so down, yet i know these feelings and discouragement can only come from the devil. Oh Lord please let me experience your joy.

haiz. So hard to be a Christian. I guess one day i'll have to tell what is it i'm struggling with. not today though.