today was one of the lowest lows ever of my whole christian walk...i just fell apart. The previous post was a poem...strongholds....literally STRONGholds.....it came back today. wad is 'it'....well i can't say....it's just not right for me to say coz it's so embarassing and shameful. It's only between me and God....yea God's the only person to know....my skeletons in the closet....no one else knows and i guess no one else will understand the struggle i'm going through with myself now. It's terrible...why can't i just stop it....i haven't done it since january and i had to spark it off again....fortunately God still forgives me for this mistake...but i need to find a way to stop sinning altogether....

Well i don't wish to reveal too much....no one would believe me....not even my parents....no one would believe what i do in secret. A really vague clue would be Deuteronomy...but it has sooo many verses and so many possiblities no one would actually find out....and i don't wish for anyone to find out.....i just hope that God can help me through this....i dont' wish to let anyone else but Him know.

So much for that...don't wry abt me too much....i'm still perfectly normal in sch and everything...it's just an internal struggle and i put this post down to remind myself that today was the day i stumbled again and the day i will denounce this sin once more and try my best to avoid it again....

why the countless temptations??? i suffer because of them...struggle.

for those like me struggling with temptation...always remember...'no temptation has siezed you except what is common to man, but God is faithful and will never let you be tempted beyond what you can bear and when you are tempted He will provide a way out for you'

the problem is a find it hard to take the way out......