even as i picked up that packet of mua chee today - from the ever faithful Queensway shopping center (faithful in this ever-changing world where mua chee is fast disappearing - some warmth seemed to emanate from the peanut laden delight. heat always did move from higher regions of heat to cooler regions of heat. perhaps I was just cold today.
you have to push out at this certain angle, to deal with him. he comes and goes like the ups and downs of the roller coaster rides. he is the reason why you begin to sink, to fade into the icy Antarctic waters, dark and murky; the reason why you find yourselves perched on the rooftop, overlooking the world, and suddenly are filled with a sense of emptiness. the unspoken void. it is speechless. it has to be. otherwise it wouldn't be empty.
you have to push him aside. sadly, i don't think i've found the right angle yet.
but before i become hopelessly beaten and consumed. by God's grace, i will emerge from this dust, this debris of math portfolio, concrete chunks of urban poetry, unsolved stoichiometric equations, and just a lot of other burdens that need to be shrugged off. Finding joy and peace in God is certainly the first step - but there are plenty to go.
School. well school has just been school. i'm so afraid of going into the whole routine of it all. I do want to be passionate for FireAC, WOW, BB, ahhhh but I can't I can't - I reach deep into the bowels of my heart, but there is little left. and i won't hide that fact. but i pray that God will...yes 'stir it up in my heart'. please do (:
and till then. back to work. back to the world. but we must remember that we are not of this world..
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