Obstacles to Happiness

ever wondered. what made it so hard to be happy?

for you happy people out there. perhaps, just perhaps, this post doesn't concern you. but if general observations have been right, then a good majority of you must be wondering what makes it difficult to be happy, because, i don't know, it's just been rather tough.

first. you need to dispel sadness. look beyond what's bothering you. look to God our Father who cares oh so much for us. commit to him. and thank Him. realize that He loves you. and ask Him to do what's best for you - yes, His will above ours.

no guarantee of happiness though. but guarantee of peace and joy - of knowing that you're living in His will.

but sometimes. happiness and joy do come hand-in-hand. but i just don't know when.

and that's the toughest part.

it's when i finally make my way over that last mountain of despair, inching my way over the final peak, and arrive on the happier, brighter side. there's happiness, but i start to question this happiness - where did such happiness come from.

often i tell people that i get sad when i'm too happy. why? i don't know, maybe i'm just strange - but sadness feels reassuring, tells me that i'm still being bothered, that i still have something to turn to God about; too happy, too caught up, and we tend to forget God.

i wonder. this happiness. did i create it for myself? or was it God-given? or was it God-allowed?

now there's a difference. there is there is.

i wonder. this happiness. was it a result of my own will? or God's will?

how can i tell. honestly. how can i?

when God's silent. when i suddenly start missing qt. what's that mean?

is it a punishment? or is it a test to wait?

i guess. i'll never really know. keep praying. i guess. that's what we all say.