Forgotten Holidays

And a few years back, the holidays would kick off with some sleepover, as I remember it, at Ken Wei's place. Nights filled with ineffable laughter and joy, chatting, rolling people up in mattresses (the 'sushi treatment' as we called it), the occasional gaming, indulging in comics, late nights, and just unforgettable company. Folks like Darren, Sean, my brother, the hippo Fippo, would join in, and we'd have a blast.

It's something that I would recall with a certain sense of fondness, yet loss. So near but yet so far perhaps. Missing that carefree spirit, that no-holds-barred play hard attitude. Missing the holidays that weren't packed with so many commitments. Useless living, but it brought laughter and refreshment to the parched soul. And yet I recall Kenny's (or rather the Friar's) advice that 'the sweetest honey is loathesome in its own deliciousness', perhaps that is true too, but I seem to still prefer an overdose of honey to none at all.

Years back there would be that sense of anticipation to some mega trip overseas with family, with my beloved cousins, to Perth, Brisbane, Melbourne (we loved Australia) or California. Something similar. But this year, it's to Thailand for mission trip, and in a fated clash of events, my dad announed that he would only be free for the period where I will be in Thailand. Not that it's a painful thing to be serving God, it's just that it would be a different sort of anticipation. Or perhaps I'm still confused in all this inebriated nostalgia.

Years back I would recount such events with a great use of intermittent elipses, but I guess I've knocked off that habit, much to the relieve of many of my friends, and the blog has become more user-friendly (or rather, reader-friendly) as a result. But somehow, the raw beauty such unrefined typing is something that I sorely miss as well.

As I packed my room this year (a rather trendy thing to be doing now), I found many items from the past, letters from people I miss dearly (sigh. church camp), encouraging birthday messages, letters of thanks ranging from 'Thanks for playing the piano in church!' to 'Thanks for being our page-boy!'. Letters that will fade away with time. There's something about nostalgia that hurts, yet it hurts us in such a striking way that we will only long for more. Strange but true. I suppose this is the 'bog of reminiscence'.

And so this year's holiday, a world of difference. Hopes of reuniting with classmates the next year dashed, replaced by the (fearful?) anticipation of the new IB year. No sleepovers, lest there be some miraculous connection (or rather, reconnection). No holidays (but perhaps I should shift my perspective - this mission trip could be seen as a holiday of resting in our Father). No useless days of doing nothing, more work, more NYAA, more tutoring of Mdm Loo's daughter, more commitments.

In the face of everything, well, I do feel a little upset. But i guess, it's a different sort of holiday, a holiday with a difference, perhaps a meaningful holiday would bring more joy than a useless one, as long as the Lord blesses it. And that is my prayer, that somehow peace, joy, and even rest, may come out of this otherwise hectic holiday. And I pray that for everyone else as well. :)