God, i pray that somewhere in those everlasting arms, in that wide and merciful embrace, that you would reserve for me a special spot where i can just let everything go. i wonder why in this week alone, these once-parched eyes have been flooded with blind confusion, joyful sorrow, and hopeless despondency; as if symbolically representing the state of one's heart, the grey clouds gather in one final reunion, and with a roar of thunder and the splitting lightning, rain pours in gushes of stinging needles. and all i needed was a place of quiet refuge and comfort.
i'm better now. i always am when i'm alone with you Lord - the troubles seem to disappear - and the peace that comforts me always comes when you are near. but every time i leave just a moment from your comforting embrace, the torrent of darkness just seems so imposing once again. i know that i shall fear no evil for You are with me. and yet there are times when the sorrow of the world, and of all the other people in the world, seem too much for this innocent heart of mine to bear.
i wish Lord, that i could give up Your blessings sometimes, that i may just speak in truthful sincere empathy to those who are feeling down and out. yet i don't really know what i'm asking for - could i really just give it all up? but yet a part of me, always wishes that i were the sacrifice, that i could sacrifice myself for the happiness of all others'. and yet, people remind me so oft, that it seems to be the opposite. but why?
i questioned this once. that why give the man 10 talents and the other 5, why had you not given both the same? seven-point-five? and the one answer that came, was that to whom much was given, much was expected. i know Lord.
and yet - why is it that in trying to make everyone happy, one inevitably, unknowingly, causes pain to another?
i guess. it's both good and bad. that i'm not speaking in code this time.
and for the record. i'm ok. i just need Your guidance now Lord (:
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