Father of the Fatherless

Father of the Fatherless

an intro to this song, which was composed shortly after WOW, when people were sad about leaving the children behind. where i tried to send the email to say hi, but unfortunately, the email couldn't make it, how does one send to a Chinese email address (the draft is still there). but remember this, even as we continue to pray for these children (which i have forgotten, i confess) - that God is with them and watches them.

ok i admit it. this one sounds a little scrappy (: but well that's me...with the new recording editing program thing haha (:

Verse 1:
You loved the little children
You called them one by one
You took them in Your arms
And you sheltered them from harm
You said the little children were welcome to Your place
And you took them in Your loving embrace

Chorus:
You're a Father to the Fatherless
Protector of the weak
Your our light in the darkness
So mighty yet so meek
We know that you will hear
Because you're ever, ever so near

Verse 2:
We loved the little children
As Jesus Christ had done
We took them in our arms
But the farewell had to come
And as the we left the children
The tears began to flow
But we knew Lord
That You'll never let them go!

Verse 3:
And so the little children are safe in Your embrace
You never sleep You watch them
You cover them with grace
And someday we shall meet again
Caught up in the air
And we'll praise Him when we're there!

oceans will part

it's been a tiring examination week, much time has been spent studying, some time has been spent praying, and at the end of it all, there's been ups and downs but God has remained very faithful. whilst at the playground one day i bobbed up and down on rhino the dino, thinking and just thinking - so strange, that i've become so horrible sometimes. and you find that you really start to hate the sinful portion of yourself - that's good i suppose.

returning from the uplifting session of worship and word at LoveMG, three months back exactly we were at the exact same auditorium; we took a wrong turn and walked back a crazy distance to the faraway bus-stop - we didn't do that today i guess. but walking from botanical gardens all the way meant good exercise after double scoops of Island Creamery. it was a rather lovely day today i guess - worship, friends, and just wow. began with solemn reflection. ended in praise.

oh well. prop me on the red chair Lord. we're all ready for it. aren't we?

Flame On!

dangerously calm

when you're anxious and worried and concerned and (insert synonym here), that's terrible.
when you're calm, it's dangerously calm.

if you plot stress level against time span of exam, including the month preceding the exam, what you obtain is a demand curve, yes an inverse relationship - rather like that between volume and pressure at a constant absolute temperature and given a fixed amount of gas (so says Boyle's Law); and it's strange, perhaps we could attribute it the fact that some of us began revision earlier, but either way, it's worrying.

i'm blogging. i'm on msn. and i'm not planning to do much today save for calling and praying (cap-ping) the class. oh well. people are going to get peeved. but the blessing must be carried out i guess. as we approach the next term, we start on the right footing.

the sun shines after the brief shower (rain rain come and play!) oh yes. have i mentioned that on rainy days tim gains a two times multiplication in alertness and strength, and that the sun absolutely saps him of all energy. so you know now, to poison him, all you need to do is feed him sunshine bread (:

maybe. i should go get some English done. immerse myself in some literary jargon. or something. i always get worried at the strangest moments.

hopskotch *skip*

it was a quiet evening when john and i stumbled into the yellow-blue-(and now red) building. on the school building some distance away a bible verse was etched across the top level - "Remember your creator all the days of your youth".

the covered play area (or as i always thought - the cupboard play area...terrible listening i had) was spotless, and the sticky flubber thing from primary three - that had been tossed upward by some mischief - was gone. many things were gone. but this was still a part of me. it was where i took those first formative steps toward schooling life. and here i was again. many years down. the past and present seemed to converge, as i took john down for a walk down memory lane.

the hopskotch boxes were available - whipping out the old wallet (always works), and john whipping out, first cheesy (to which i declined) then a couple of 'miaow' sweets, we began a round of innocent hopping. a real trip back to the old times, when such games - together with police and thief, pepsi cola 1 2 3, kuti-kuti (and more) fascinated our young minds. and they still do, now and then they still do. (:

and there. the school was different now. but yes, there's always a part that doesn't change and that remains forever and ever, and that part is in all our hearts. our minds. and our memories. these things don't fade.

memories. of 1D class fight, innocent barricades made of piles of school bags, artillery in the form of paper balls, confrontation with plastic files, and i got punished. another time, a second punishment, for harassing the girl who sat next to me in P2, for poking her pencil case and stationery. what a naughty boy i was. but it was fun. and memorable.

memories. of friends. teachers. and all who made a difference. and now. one day. maybe one day. our paths will cross again.

we had to climb over the gate later. they locked us out. (: john would fondly recall (:

and there. another bout of nostalgia. like tim always does. again and again. thank God for all the times He has been faithful (:

itchy calamine lotion

like an excommunicated leper i sat aside from the rest on that little venture after youth retreat. youth retreat had been a real refresher - the many hours of rest, recreation and just chat, it all helped to reawaken a tired body - but there were many missed opportunities. so many, and i wish, i wish i had not let them go, i wish i had spoken more to the youths, that i had spent less time on the people i was comfortable with. sigh. but such were the things.

and that day upon returning. it was rather. there was some dilemma. eventually the decision was made. yup at least i got little cheesy-kins back. thanks Kenneth. that day made me realize again that there was one person who deserved my love most, and that was God.

sitting in the multistory carpark on a rainy afternoon. waiting for the thunder to subside (i so fear lightning), there were tears, but not much, still there were tears. i needed to rediscover God again. and yesterday, was a little sine curve, maybe of greater amplitude and given a horizontal stretch of factor half or so, but it was a sine curve. and in a flash of events (much like lightning), emotions went from up to down to up to down to up to down and it was nauseous.

ah ok i don't feel like going on. later.

fippo abduction

sitting alone in front of the computer. typing again. on this hot afternoon - reminiscent of the many many in ChongQing - without dear cheesy by my side (yes John Tay you better return her quick quick). days have gone by like a flash - after many days of wah chee lunches, cramming studies into this little mind of mine, taking time out to spend with friends, countless hours in the quiet zone of the NUS library - finally there is time to take stock again.

what amazes me is how quickly we forget our heavenly existence sometimes. yesterday i just sat down after a long day of studies and worry - and i pondered. pondered. pondered. and pondering culminates in the realization that we need to spend more time with God - we are really not home yet. I recall an old song by Christian rock band Petra that went something like this:

we are pilgrims, in a strange land
we are so far, from our homeland
with each passing day it seems so clear
this world will never want us here
we're not welcome in this world of wrong
we are foreigners who don't belong

we are strangers, we are aliens
we are not of this world

we are envoys, we must tarry
with this message we must carry
there's so much to do before we leave
with so many more who may believe
our mission can never fail
and the gates of hell will not prevail!

we are strangers, we are aliens
we are not of this world

Jesus told us men would hate us
but we must be of good cheer
He has overcome this world of darkness
soon we will depart from here

so far from our homeland. yet sometimes i realize how easily we get caught up with the things of this world - how we start planning for our futures that are so distant, how we start speculating the events of years to come (and perhaps even tomorrow), how we take for granted the existence of tomorrow; how we worry and get anxious about things that won't happen any time sooner.

and we get satisfied with the world so easily - happy with the many things around us - that we forget that there's still so much to do. we are envoys, we must carry the message of Christ to those around us! urgently! urgently! i think, the danger is settling for satisfaction.

and yesterday i knelt and realized that i had done quite little (nothing perhaps) that was eternally significant in a long while.

maybe it was the lack of opportunity; but perhaps i had not prayed hard enough for opportunity.

sigh. i tried. the email to ChongQing couldn't make it ):

pray for more passion. more urgency. set our minds on things above (:

we are not home yet friends.

to those in the dumps

just finished a cup of mcgee mee (yum, economics is always yummy, and dinner had to be brief given scarce amount of resources); another day at home, needless to say i (in the words of xl) ditched my fellow primers/S2s today for the studious pursuits. sigh. i can't say i don't feel bad, but i have learned to say no, simply because not doing so would hurt oneself sometimes. BB debrief today was also short, and i finally got the econs textbook (usefulness is questionable though) - with no sneaky two dollar notes (:

and this post is for all those (and they're all around) sitting on that pile of rubbish, down in the dumps, and searching for a way out. maybe it seems this comes from a higher vantage point, but well, don't take it that way. hey we all have our sine curves on this ride of life, maybe we're just on the wrong side of it now. but like all periodic trigonometrical curves, we'll get to the peaks one day.

it seems now. that nothing seems to work out. you can't seem to just leave it all behind. maybe it comes back to haunt you - in some incessant dream, some figure you meet every day, some figment of your imagination - but you really, really have to leave it behind. and pass it on to Jesus. maybe it was a regretful decision, but what's there to do now? just learn from the past, and ask God for wisdom to lead you on in the future. carry on now. carry on.

we all go through struggles. we all fall. but the difference comes with our reaction to that fall. are we going to sit and wait for the apple to fall on our head? or are we going to pick ourselves up and run on - ok not pick ourselves up, but trust God to give us that strength to do so.

some ask why such things happen. why does God make Christianity difficult? why does God allow for trials? remember that encouragement from the bible, James even opens his letter with this admonishment:

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

yup. that's it. trials are meant to shape us and harden us and teach us lessons. God doesn't want to torment us, in fact it hurts Him to see us hurt. but He loves us, and longs to bring us closer to Him, and what better way - yes though this is arguable - than through the testing of our faith. to realize that we need to draw closer to Him, that we are weak and He is so very strong!

(maybe this all sounds all too familiar. but it's the truth. just meditate upon it, and it becomes clear!)

Trust and obey my friends. there's no other way. to be happy in Jesus (:

and true joy comes from knowing that we're living in God's way. remember that. and rejoice through the happy and the sad.

and remember this. for when I'm sad....i'll need a reminder too (:

okazaki fragments

work has taken its toll on me. need to go out for a walk.

a walk in the park perhaps. but the sun's a tad bit too hot. could someone get the air-conditioner working around here please? Singapore's on perpetual heater status, and the sun never seems to go down. home's our refuge from the sun. but home too is a chicken coop. and i'm starting to feel - claustrophobic.

need to get out. to where the woods are. a walk in the woods. the yellow paths that diverge, the leaves that carpet the loamy soil, the birds that tweet and chirp in one accord, and the acorns that descend with every advancing step. need to get away to some place like that. where powdery snowflakes would bring relief to this overheated mind of mine. but for now, marshmallows suffice. somehow.

the only canned soup nearby - for the boost of energy - is one sinisterly known as 'campbell'. except opening it yields no reward, no comfort, no mushroom delightful surprise, just words upon words of campbell (and reese) and biology. pooey. you never thought tim could make a fuss over work. i don't make much sense when i'm tired i guess.

whatever happened to those serious contemplative posts? maybe when i have more free time. maybe. for now. it's just this messy state of affairs. need to get a bath. maybe. it's too hot.

and next. for chemistry. bon voyage. to (sum to infinity) and beyond!

maybe just maybe. what we all need now. is some true bonding. we all need to breathe. remember our true function in life. time is scarce. make the most of it i guess. and spend time with God please. all of you.

the colours of the wind

can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

certain things i lack the determination to complete. WOW reflections are but such a chore given circumstances, sometimes there's simply too much to say but too little time to share. something's bursting out from within, i simply can't contain the joy, but i guess a great amount of joy doesn't have to mean an endless post of words. LDC and WOW have left me simply speechless. the holidays have been filled with an unspeakable joy - one that is hardly marred by the onset of studies and homework.

somehow, work seems but a distant thought now, as distant as that brightest star every night (yes if you look carefully you'll always find the same one); just want to sing, sing the highest song ever; just want to gaze on and thank God for every moment He has blessed me with. maybe easing up was the right thing to do after all.

sleepless nights in LDC, sincerest prayers and worship, an unforgettable hike with a band of Sec3s who just kept going, and on the last day - that gift of salvation, it came in a pair, from our Lord Jesus Christ.

rum rum tum tum. strum strum the guitar. lunch was just mum mum. yum yum (:
thanks for the chewy (chewy chewy chewy ommmph ba ba) mochi (:

ah why am i over the moon. why. you silly fool. there's exams, there's Chinese A2 homework. there's so much stress, so much to do, so little time, and you're wasting it on an equally wasteful blog post that is going nowhere. you silly rambutan (ah canned fruit), nothing productive done at all. there's everything to be stressed, everything to be worried and sad about.

but somehow. there's still a smile on the face (:, if not the face, then in the heart (:

and i do hope this smile stays strong. and that it's one that's propped up by the gracious hands of God. (look Ma no hands!)

i suppose. usually i would try to blog everything, every moment of the camps and the WOW. but i think, i have given up. really. it's there in the mind, for an eternity, and certain emotions, certain feelings, to post them, would be to dilute them to a point of blandness.

and picture paints a thousand words. more than a thousand this time. a million perhaps. just so many many words that tell so many many stories.

and i'm like a child. sitting at the feet of the old storyteller, reliving every moment of this blessed life.

WOW Worship: Of Bibles and Bones

somehow, in this short window of time that i have salvaged, the story continues, but perhaps not for long, seeing that LDC beckons, pre-camp demands our presence and i shall have to leave quite soon. with biology swirling around within the mind, ATP supply just replenished over lunch, i shall now attempt to continue this miraculous story of grace (gosh why have i even expended time and effort on this introductory paragraph...)

forgot the last time to mention the name of this blessed school, this school that we weren't supposed to go to, and only by chance (or miracle, whichever you prefer), a roadblock meant that we had to change course, and so end up in this school - 天赐学校. for all the Chinese illiterate (i trust not many), that would mean 'sky-given', or in our Christian perspective case, 'God-given'. What a blessed name! a school commissioned by God, given by God; perhaps the students never realised the significance, but for us there, the implication was clear. and God, yes God was going to work! some way or another.

and the second day commenced with organizing the library, at least for a few chums such as John Tay, Deon, Benlee, I and a few others. Deon, with great precision started to write out sticky identification tags to paste on the sides of the books whilst the rest of us stood around and waited for further instruction. the library was a small enclosed space, perhaps about half the size of a regular room in Singapore, the cabinets lining the perimeter of that tiny space containing shelf upon shelf of Chinese books; later on, i adjourned for a moment to help in the painting work being done in the neighbouring room

in case memories of the previous days' painting ensue, it wasn't furniture painting this time, but actual what-we-do-in-art-class painting; thin sheets of mahjong paper, a few pencils (sharpened with jack knives) and colored paints that never seemed to mix properly; i found myself working alongside Alvin and Hadi, quite a humorous pair, and they enlisted my help in drawing - lo and behold, a unicorn.

I didn't really know how a unicorn was like, so i tried to draw a horse and somehow managed to sketch a horn upon the top of its head. the juxtaposition of horn and horse wasn't quite perfect but will do will do, seeing that it all fell into that theme of fairytale - yes there was Alvin's giant carrot, a rather out of place pikachu (yes i remembered how to draw pokemon from primary school!), flying balloons, flying pigs, angels adorned with halos standing upon a skyscraper. and everything had wings.

we wanted to tell them, to soar and pursue whatever their dreams were

the second piece of art was equally fantastic - or at least it was meant to be - the 12 animals of the zodiac were sketched - but the children kept laughing at our inability to draw realistically; maybe the tiger did look like a kitty cat, the snake looked like a worm, the dragon was all black (yup, spilled calligraphy ink haha), the monkey was a stick figure, and the pig had sunglasses; but laughter was all that mattered. At the end of it, we topped it up with a chalk fight, grating chalk into chalk dust, tossing and rubbing it off on each other. that was my morning;

but something wonderful was happening in the library

John Tay sneaked behind Benlee as Benlee provided the necessary cover (though i never knew Benlee, with his relatively thin figure, could provide that much blockage); they slipped about six Gideon bibles into the library that day, sandwiched between the Chinese books, camouflaged under the many others; and that was that. planting the seeds of the Gospel. but you might ask, what's the use? seeing that the bibles were in English. we asked the same question. and God would answer us in time to come.

the mass dance came up soon; we thought we were supposed to teach the children how to dance; but apparently we ended up simply doing it as a performance in front of the whole school. so yes, we walked on sunshine in front of the whole school, and did a pretty decent job. The break-dancers of course, decided to give their own rendition, which i didn't quite manage to pick up though i thought it was worth learning. nevermind. tim is no breaking material, i should just stick with being good old mugger boy tim.

later on; we were shocked. oh no. we had to come up with five more performances on the spot. yes. five (must have been the fitting relationship it had with us being in Year 5, nah maybe they just wanted to torment us, or maybe they loved us much, yes i think they loved us much); so we panicked, and somehow, we found a way to stand up under the pressure.

alright. we started with the hokey pokey, bought time for Mich, Sarina and Lucy (our lovely dancers!) to come up with a performance, which they executed quite delightfully; Eve, Benlee, Ben and I sang and harmonized the 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle' (yup yup!); The breakers gave a lovely rendition that saw Seb Chua in his coolest element (haha); our Kum-Ba-Yah and Amazing Grace practices didn't go to waste. and finally, we taught Twinkle Twinkle little star.

well. later. i sat in the sea of Year 9 girls. and was taught how to speak in ChongQing dialect! yes! they were all so enthusiastic. how wonderful." 好巴实！哇塞！" heh.

and the best was yet to come (in true ACSian style). here's the story:

as we watched the basketball match that afternoon, the girls surrounding me, it suddenly occurred to me that i should, i should remember these girls, for their bubbly antics, for their warmth and laughter; there were several cards in my haversack, and i opened the bag to take them out, asking the girls if i could get a signature or a short message written on these cards; needless to say, they obliged.

and whilst i opened the bag, they peered inside, and saw many books, and asked out of curiosity what these books were about. i stuck my hand in again, fished about among my card trick and secret book, to stumble upon the only Gideon bible i had. and i took it out, passed it to them, told them what it was. they grabbed it, with much excitement, opened it and saw that it was in English.

it was in English. their faces fell. but lighted up as they saw some familiar Chinese characters.

it was John 3:16 in Chinese. and as they read. i saw excitement, anticipation. but then they turned to me and said they didn't understand.

there and then, i saw the opportunity. and strangely, i had the courage (from God i suppose) to seize it. and i asked them about Christianity, and Jesus, they said they heard about Jesus before in History class, but didn't know much beyond that; there, I shared a 3 minute gospel, with my limited Chinese ability, but God provided the words - thankfully.

and there stared on in shock. they nodded. they knew what i was talking about. and they listened attentively. i think i realised at that time why God had allowed the girls to be drawn to me, not an ego-boost, not anything of that sort. but for that very moment.

and i told them to keep the bible. it came back to me later on.

i passed the bible to a guy named 胡健 from the same Grade 9 class, and asked him to pass it on to the girls, asked the girls to keep them. and i had told the girls that if any time they needed hope, they needed light, they could remember that verse from John 3:16. also, i left them some hope that somehow, a Chinese bible would make it to them. somehow.

and farewells followed. some hope glimmered in my heart. perhaps that made the farewell easier. but as i turned the final corner, and jumped and waved again, the girls waved back with the rest of my class and 胡健, and my heart sank a little, but was lifted again by God's work in that lovely school. i didn't cry. maybe i would have. but i didn't. somehow.

that night. we returned. and soon. the bone came.

but that's another story for another day. i'd best be off now, to polish, to pack, and to spend time with God before leaving. yup. see ya guys after LDC. may God keep the passion fresh in our hearts, and i hope God will work in LDC as well! (: