jukebox (:

FileFactory.com

moving house

increases stress levels

i lift my turtle shell. and on i go

eventually. that's where many others will go

sigh.

limmdt.wordpress.com

four paos and three pratas

'encouragement' was the word that God struck my heart with this week; and with that fateful rock-paper-scissors game between Kenneth and Chng, came my first attempt at leading a week of FireAC. well. why encouragement?

Hebrews 10:24: "Let us consider how we may spur each other on in love and good deeds"

in the past week or so, somehow, through the many ups and downs, God has shown me the importance of encouragement, of being encouraged and encouraging others in return. in the short span of a week i've been through a whole myriad of emotions and sensations - lonely realizations, persistent frustrations, ecstatic highs, self introspective silence. and well, somehow, through the thick and thin, all i needed was the knowledge from God that He was still there.

i find. that sometimes, all we do need is assurance, and love, and a listening ear; it's not so much the medicine that heals someone, but the love emanated by the person giving the medicine, administering the care and concern (:

i try too hard sometimes, to encourage. it ends up being condescending, even on the brink of pride. sometimes. and i do pray that God will change that part in me - and in all who struggle to do the same thing.

---

yes finally broke my pao fast. albeit on the wrong type of pao (hmph)

---

and there's just something strange about me -

- this strange attraction toward things, no people, people who seem lonely, quiet, and who appear to have gone through some sort of psychological battle before, some sort of embitterment towards oneself - some sort of terrible struggle. some inevitable magnetism draws one toward them, and sometimes, just can't help feeling - that one needs to be there for them, to comfort them, to give them hope, and to give them love.

maybe that was why...

but one can't do everything. only Jesus can. only Jesus knows the way to a broken heart.

so teach me Lord. teach us all.

beautiful irony

our hearts remained as one,
together - on the carousel called life;
and when winter blew its frosty song
we knew - to sing along

what's in a beautiful irony?

it's in the spoken silences
in the happy-sadness
in simple complexity
in sweet sorrow
just...
in (:

fairytale land

someone once told me that my life at present seemed like a fairytale - for many reasons - among which the perceived high grades, the seemingly smooth-sailing spirituality, the various accolades, the many friends, the lack of relational problems and all.

but here's to say. that i really am no Snow White, no Cinderella, no Belle of the ball, no Peter Pan; because, like everyone else, i'm just another person. no pumpkins for me to ride in, no youth that lasts for an eternity (ok maybe eternal life. but...), and definitely, no prince to kiss me on the cheek (: but that being said. people have this impression that i'm living a fairytale.

maybe persuasion isn't the best method to deal with this - rather, i'd like to direct all who feel so to look at the author of my life - God, my great Father in heaven, the greatest storyteller, the one who knew everything from the beginning, who's the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I'm only as blessed as He allows so. and every blessing He gives me, i'm infinitely thankful. and i deserve none of the honor.

it's strange, i look around me, and people seem to live in regrets, live in the emotional ups and downs, live in all kinds of broken dreams and hopes - and i'm not spared from these, it just seems less so sometimes, thank God again - but sometimes, i wish i could just take all the hurt of the world, so that the people around me could all be happy, could all have their dreams come true and could all smile (: I wish i could switch out of my 'happy life' and give it to everyone else - i'd rather be the only sad one...

I oft ask God: why give a man 10 talents and another 5, why not just 7.5 each?

but i realise i'm incapable of such a noble deed. but someone has already taken the hurt of all the world - Jesus (:

meditate on that (:

to shannetta mists

no one is supposed to know the significance of this post except you my dearest dearest comrade (: but tis' just the little reply you told me not to compose. yet i persist:

-- love is a commitment, it's not a feeling, it's not that warm fuzzy sensation we get in romantic movies and such --- love is a choice. and yes, you got that right, i chose to love you (:

the rifts were always there, they were inevitable, interests aside, i guess we didn't have much in common, and there was always that same gulf that was felt - on the phone, in school, anywhere. the rifts just became more apparent. that's all. and it's ok, because the rifts sometimes make everything better (:

i'm really glad you found your niche. partially my fault for withdrawing - and i did, because 2007 brought a whole host of new problems and new struggles, and i chose to find solace in new company - but like you said, maybe it's for the better.

i just want you to know though. that no matter what. when you need a friend, i'll be there. i'll be a shoulder for you to cry on, i'll be the silent friend who patiently waits beside you when you cut the rest of the world off. at least for now - for the remaining of what's left in school.

when i said i missed you. i really meant it. because somehow one part of me regretted pulling away, as my affections and feelings were drawn toward others; i really regretted it. not just you, but many of my old pals as well. there was this day in class, i simply broke down and cried, the thunder roared outside, and i felt so lonely inside, and i was afraid -- afraid of losing all my old friends.

but i'm glad. and thank God for you still. (:

and i guess we know what will happen when we leave school; i used to think we would keep in touch forever and ever. but gradually, i guess i start to realise the reality of things - and that tells me that we will eventually lose touch, whether we like it or not - it's an inevitability that i'm not afraid to admit - but remember, that when we see each other in heaven - please give me a knowing smile? (:

who cares about rifts? we have an eternity to make up one day (:

in His love,
tim

chemistry

so you have a bottle of reactants. these would ultimately react to form ---> products (:

energetics: tells you if the reaction is spontaneous
kinetics: the rate of reaction (how fast it proceeds)
equilibrium: the point of equilibrium, or the extent of products produced

i hate to 'sciencify' things; least of all things that have nothing to do whatsoever with logic, reasoning and scientific banter; but one must always upkeep that (false) intellectual appearance, and couple it with the necessary metaphors and images. ok i half feel not like posting this anymore. but i shan't let the fingers be trigger happy, we have gone so far, so why stop now.

something has changed in the mix; perhaps the forward reaction has been faster than the backward reaction and a new equilibrium point is being achieved. the rate of reaction though, is something that should be controlled, lest like 'fire and powder, as they kiss consume'. and the energetics problem is particularly difficult - how can one determine if the forward reaction is favorable, or spontaneous from the start?

there are many questions zipping now. but we shall have to zip up carefully (ok that doesn't make sense haha); i was told, that life, life isn't about analyzing and breaking things down into small little bits and pieces to examine; life isn't about prescribing little solutions to problems; that isn't life, life is just so random, so chaotic, so unpredictable - and yet God is in control.

now finally steering away from the silly science imagery. i shall just say what needs to be said:

smile (: and there's no need to be grieved or feel bad
pray (: and God will light the way
never stray (: from God's way that is
stay (: just the way we are

and now. i shall just put a little bookmark into this little book of mine. and hmmm. don't think too much don't think too much tim >< ahaha.

who's up for some math portfolio fun? (at this point i start to crumble mentally...)

happy birthday

this shall be a brief post. to keep the blog alive.

but happy birthday. thanks to all (:

for the arctic puppy (nanook!)
for the studious dog (timotheous!)
for the rowan atkinson toy
for the two dollar notes and deflated balloons (heh...it'll return (: )
for the many notes and letters
for the monster note book (i started using it!)
for the endless amount of cake cake cake!
for the surprising cards out of nowhere (silly ding dong you)
for the revamped ashlee (: (ediitttt sorry my dear emil)

and most importantly....for just being there (: the company was all i ever wished for

and now i pray. that God will help me live a life for Him. wholeheartedly. and completely guided by Him. that is the biggest wish. ever (: thanks for staying close even when it felt like You weren't there God. it's been a tough week. but You're faithful (: